The exhaustion of working and mommying and derbying and snarking and everything else that comprises my whole week?  It, at some point, eases.. right?  Maybe not goes away, but maybe won’t wear me down to the point that Daylight Savings Time this weekend MAKES ME CRY IN ANGER?

I think it’s because I can actually sleep now.  I’m not just closing my eyes and stressing with my eyes closed for five or six hours a night; I’m actually sleeping and dreaming and my body is just REVELING in it.  As such, six hours a night is not enough.  It wants to SLEEP IN.  And I’m all hahahaha, bod, we haven’t slept in FOR YEARS NOW.  How do you even remember what that’s like?

Anyway, exhaustion aside, things are going well.  After being incredibly terrified for two days that I had NO idea what I’m doing and I was just MAKING EVERYTHING UP, I realized that .. um .. that’s what I’M BEING PAID TO DO.

To make stuff up.  To initiate.  To foster.  To create.   So I put my foot down, spent one long night working and sketching (my old boss used to say that she couldn’t talk without writing, so I took her advice and walked barefoot around a sketched whiteboard), and now I at least feel purposeful.  At least for this week.

I’ve had meetings, I’ve lined up meetings, and if nothing else, there is forward motion.  Which is what I need.  I feel.. better.  I still need to force my husband to help me for about an hour to get my office entirely set up, because right now, all I have is this guy to keep me company:

And while he’s cute, he’s a slacker in the picture-hanging department.

In short, I’m finding my way.  I’m still having to give myself constant pep talks that I’m NOT going to be perfect right out of the box and I’m NOT going to know the answers right away, and I need to remember that I’m working for a company that prides itself on trying things and to not fear failure, only to see it as a learning tool.

It’s just been such a long, hard road to get to a place like that.  It will take a bit to unwind.

(Although I think I will manage just fine.)

(Random shot of my baby being SUCH A BIG FREAKIN’ CHILD ALREADY)