Welcome! You’re just in time for Sarah’s pity party! Take off your shoes and make yourself at home. The crappy refreshments will be out aaaaaany second, just as soon as that good-for-nothing hostess gets her act together.
Refreshments will include a punch made from Sarah’s tears and a cornucopia filled with Sarah’s guilt. It’s not quite filling and it will go straight to your hips.
In order for me to go back to work, I started watching sales and sale sites and whatnot, even back when I was still pregnant. I even ordered clothes from those mass sale sites when I was all laid up in bed with contractions. I’ve ordered some clothes recently from online stores having insane sales.
I cannot wear any of them. ANY. OF. THEM. BECAUSE I AM MASSIVE.
This impacts my self-esteem like nothing else I can articulate. I don’t want anyone to see me. I don’t want anyone to tell me that I “look great!” Don’t even get me started on what I don’t want my husband to do to me.
Because no one should have to do these things. Have you seen me? No one should be subjected to this.
So, funny story. I wrote this yesterday.
This past weekend – and it kind of came to a head yesterday, obviously – I was in a pretty dark place. Exhaustion is one thing. I know that, eventually, the not sleeping through the night thing ends. (IT SHOULD, ANYWAY.) The finding quality one-on-one time with all of the kids is also hard, but it’s necessary.
Clearly, though, I was having a bit of an issue with Me. And My Body.
Then last night, I went to a kick-off meeting for my next No Boundaries 5k training class.
Man, I didn’t want to go. I was tired – ALWAYS tired – and I didn’t want people to see me. I just knew what would happen: they’d see me and say Oh my God, look at how HUGE she is! She had that baby almost two months ago! Why does she still look pregnant?!
But I went anyway. And as always, NoBo proved me wrong.
There were hugs and high-fives. Chants and cheers. Lots of laughing.
And in this really weird turn of events, I was really really sad we weren’t running last night. I realized how much I missed it – the running, the people, the distraction, the pace. Starting a run and eventually finishing it had become a necessary therapy for me.
I drove home elated and in an insanely good mood. I was still tired, but I was clear-headed. I was focused. And I was Me again.
I’ve run a few times in the last few weeks, and it’s HARD. My feet feel like lead, and my endurance is nonexistent. My pacing is off and my breathing is shallow. I struggle. I’m sore for days afterwards and then I dread the next run.
But after last night? I cannot WAIT to do up my laces again.