Archive | July, 2012

Not Quite a Man Cold.

So I went to the doctor yesterday and SHAZAM, I’m not having a Man Cold. In fact, I’m having a very-real-why-didn’t-you-come-sooner? cold, equating to a double ear infection and bronchitis. Huh.

Since my case was already so advanced (OVERACHIEVER!), I was granted a couple of options, and of course, I took D: All of the Above. So I graciously dropped my pants for a steroid shot there in office, along with a round of antibiotics and a cough syrup laced with codeine.

(If I wasn’t on a list for buying iffy medication before this visit, I must be now.)

(Side note: I hate having to sign out buying cold meds SO MUCH that I purposefully pick up a gallon of bleach to check out each time. EACH TIME.)

Anyway, it’s been so long since I’ve been this sick (I’ve probably gotten three steroid shots in my life), that I had forgotten what meds like this do to my body.

Post-Doctor Visit

Hour 1: zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hour 2: Huh. I feel a little better.

Hour 3: I think I might go take an easy, 20-mile jog real quick.

Hour 4: OH MY GOD, I’M HAVING THE CHANGE. WHY IS IT SO HOT IN HERE?

Hour 5: Bryan, does Tony look like a glazed ham to you too? Also, don’t you think that furniture would be delicious with salt on it?

Hour 6: It’s probably time to take my cough meds.

Hour 7: IS NO SARAH. ONLY ZUUL.

Hour 8: zzzzzzz

Hour 2 a.m.: HEY LET’S GO TRY TO RUN A MARATHON, WANNA? HAVEN’T YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO RUN A MARATHON?

Today, I’m having good spells and bad spells. During the good spells, I want to do jumping jacks and handstands. The bad spells leave me unbearably dizzy and wanting to nap. But the good news is: DIAGNOSIS and it’s not Ebola or the plague. HOORAY!

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Stuff I’ve Bought Lately: I’m Not Feeling Well Edition

UGH. I realized yesterday that I? Am guilty of the Man Cold. I AM. I am trying not to be all Man Coldy about this here illness, but my GOD, I am so tired of hacking up lungs everywhere!

Truth be told, because I exercise and drink water and take vitamins and whatever else, I rarely get ill any more. I had the asthma thing last spring, but hey! That’s asthma. So when I do get ill, I tend to – naturally – assume it’s cancer and that I’m dying. This cough? Clearly consumption or the bubonic plague.

Either way, I’ve never been the type of person to get anything respiratory. I get sinus stuff often, but this is foreign to me so I’m clearly FAR MORE SICK THAN ANYONE ELSE AROUND. Even Bryan, who had a four hour root canal on Friday, IS NOWHERE NEAR MY SUFFERING. I am awful. (Also, I haven’t slept in about a week because of the hacking.)

So anyway. I’m not feeling well. But these are some things that maybe help or soothe me in my woe.

Now, I know I’m weird, but I feel like I often smell sick when I’m not feeling well. I can tell my body changes chemistry. Does anyone else do that? Or am I the weirdo? (Clearly we all know the answer to that one.) Anyway, on a whim, I picked up some body oil at Kroger. Now, although Neutrogena Body Oil is what I went to purchase, to be honest? I got the Kroger brand which was half price. LOVE IT. Smells light and clean, like gardenias, and I put it on after the shower, before I towel off. It’s perfect and moisturizing, but not heavy in this heat. Also, I don’t smell sick anymore and it costs, like, $4.

I CAN’T FIND THESE ANYWHERE. But if I could, these would be in my shower every morning. These Shower Tablets come in a couple of different scents, and since I don’t have a bathtub in my bathroom, this would be lovely in lavender or eucalyptus to soothe my troubled lungs. There used to be a more generic version of these available in drugstores – Shower Soothers, I think they were called? – but I can’t find those either. They must’ve contained some meth-y ingredients. As do all good things.

Shut up: THESE ARE NOT JUST FOR KIDS. I love these things. It’s like a Vicks Vapor Rub massage, all night long. These waterless nightlights release vapor smells as you sleep (for about eight hours, whether you sleep or not) to help you stay open and uncongested all night. Spellcheck says uncongested is not a word. Spellcheck has never experienced congestion, I take it. But we keep these stashed all over the house all through the winter and spring, so I was more than thrilled to pull them back out now that I’m all coughy.

While I do not have a bathtub, the boys do. (Sure, I could borrow it, but all you moms have to agree with me that clearing out the bathtub of toys and whatnot does not exactly set the tone for a relaxing bath.) Nevertheless, if I did take a bath, I would use half a bottle of this. This Soothing Vapor Bath is pretty amazing stuff. We always have this around as well, and I huff it quite a bit when I’m ill. I’m sure they’d prefer I use a different terminology than “huffing”, but that’s pretty appropriate, considering.

I’m pretty sure there’s no scientific evidence to back it up, but the best remedy I’ve found for a cold/cough/what have you is snuggles from a snuggle puppy. Now, the snuggle puppy is pretty rare, seeing as that our local specimen is four-and-a-half and doesn’t sit still for very long, but the snuggles are pretty damn powerful. Apply liberally as needed and then breathe deeply.

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Childish Thoughts That Keep Us Young

Someone walked in on me talking to a printer today.

Which is not that unusual, sadly. I talk to printers a lot. I coax them. I encourage them. I whisper sweet nothings in Tray 2.

Does it help? Who knows. The paper either prints or it doesn’t; it jams or it doesn’t. I find that the level of importance of the print job is in direct correlation to how ineffective the printer is feeling that day.

Of course, she asked if my talking to the printer helped. “Of course it does!” I answered. (I mean, otherwise, I’d be labeled as CRAZY, right? Sitting there, stroking a printer while coaxing it along in sing-song tones?) “Didn’t you believe you had special powers as a kid?”

Man, I did. I totally believed that 1) I could summon wind and 2) I was the only person in a sea of robots that were human look-a-likes. Straight up. I believed both of those things with the same certainty that I could tell you my eyes were brown.

I don’t know where the wind thing came from. To my recollection, I was never really talented at creating wind where there was none. I was, however, masterful at wishing for stronger wind on days that were already windy. So maybe I just never reached my full potential there.

And the robot thing .. well, I work in the engineering industry. I still feel this way a large part of the time.

Somewhere along the way, obviously, the world beats out of us the belief that we can be extraordinary. We are pushed down by the thumb of The Man, told to be uniform, and on top of that we’re reminded that we’re slowly dying anyway so what good would powers do you?

I asked her if she had any special powers when she was young. I suggested what we taught the boys – that you can make the stoplights change if you try hard enough. With Tony, we told him to blow hard enough and they’ll change. This was fun until he almost passed out at a malfunctioning red light.

I still think I have superpowers, and I’m holding on to them dearly. I have an intuition about people that is super keen, to the point where I physically react to someone’s .. aura? .. soul? dunno. I can influence people well. I USE THESE POWERS FOR GOOD, PROMISE.

What powers did you think you had as a kid?

(What powers do you think you have now?)

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Weekend Recap with Very Little Content, Sorry.

Much like Miss Zoot, we also took a mini-vacation to Chattanooga last week. Well, most of us did. Bryan actually worked quite a bit on the trip, but he joined us for the occasional meal.

Not enough naps were had.

I’m going to cover the majority of our trip over at Rocket City Mom a little bit later, so I don’t want to exactly spill the beans just yet, but I did want to tell you some of my super-awesome happy memories that I came back with.

Summer tastes like berries to me.

For the actual Fourth of July, we did nothing. Not a single thing. Well, I ran a 5K that morning (and set a new PR for a mile – so that was awesome! then I melted.) but after THAT, we did nothing. I had picked up a lot of produce because, DUH, we’re southern and that’s what we do. So I made a berry crisp that night for dessert and although Bryan turned his nose up at the fresh berries (BECAUSE HE ENJOYS KILLING MY SOUL), he has had berry crisp every night since.

We stayed in a .. kind of .. special hotel. Bryan said I should not call it “crappy”, because apparently MY idea of crappy is not nearly as awful as Bryan’s. Bryan just calls it .. “efficient”. So we stayed in anefficient hotel.

It did not matter to the boys that the bathroom had no ACTUAL door and instead you slid out a pocket-type-door that had NO SOUNDPROOFING AT ALL, but it was a nightmare for me. Of the bowel persuasion. Also, I so look forward to utilizing a real bathtub at hotels, and this did not have one. So I was put off.

ANYWAY, the boys cared not for my plight. We split up into the two full sized beds, with the hot sleepers (Tony and I) taking the bed nearest the a/c unit.

Bryan is very anti-cosleeping, and while I don’t have a strong opinion either way on the subject, I do feel like I may have missed out on some sweet baby moments by diligently putting Tony down before he fell asleep. So sleeping in the same bed at the hotel? A favorite memory. Tony was so wired about the mere excitement of HOTEL that he couldn’t sleep, so he rubbed my arm and played with my hair until he could relax. A couple of times I cracked an eye open at him and he’d say, “It’s okay, Momma. Just go to sleep.” AND THEN MY HEART EXPLODED ALL OVER MY OVARIES.

Also, Tony talks in his sleep. Animatedly. Don’t know where he gets that.

Jack is now 12, and if you are unware, 12 means you are now A Grown Up. You are no longer permitted to enjoy childish things because, dude, you’re TWELVE. I didn’t know this magic line in the sand exists, but it apparently does. So it tickled me so much that Jack would voluntarily sit out of “kid” stuff. And then he’d twitch. And dance. And generally look like he was going to implode. Finally, he’d declare that he was going to play in the water/touch the sturgeon/go play in the play-yard “to look after Tony”.

Go be young, I’d tell him. You have your whole life to be old.

Overheard, in the backseat:

“Jack, can I count your freckles? You have, like, a MILLION.”

“Jack, one day I want to grow up to be like you. A ninja.”

“Jack, is that book scary? So is my book, see? Because it has a skeleton on it. Well, it doesn’t, but I think horses can be scary too.”

When we made our way back home, Tony went to a Parent Survival Night at our local The Little Gym, which I was worried would be too much for him after a couple of days without naps. We picked him up earlier than the posted time because I was worried that he was overtired. I got him in the car, and Bryan and I were whispering about how to handle bedtime, when Tony pipes up:

MOM, DAD, YOU CAN STOP WHISPERING BECAUSE I CAN HEAR YOU. AND YES, I DID NOT GET DESSERT, BUT I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE A MILKSHAKE. ALSO, SEND MR. BILL A MESSAGE AND TELL HIM HI. MOM, CAN I STAY WITH YOU FOREVER?

Oh, my child. Of course. I expect nothing less than forever from you.

 

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June At-a-Glance and Also What You Should Know.

Because I love the big ole mixes of color that I have at month’s end, here’s our June Wrap-Up.

June was a very hard month for us. Not, like, in the oppressive way of finances or health or even weather-related (although HOLY HELL, IT’S BEEN SO HOT HERE LATELY), but .. hard for us on a personal level. And thusly, here are some things you should know.

I’ve watched as big-time bloggers have undergone personal traumas and I’ve never really wondered if they handled it correctly online. As readers, we feel personally invested in their lives, and I’ve watched some readers react angrily to news of divorce or separation or bankruptcy or what have you. They feel betrayed that they were not aware of these things happening.

They accuse these bloggers of lying, or wearing a pretense.

But you know, when it all boils down to it: that’s their lives. You can spend the ten minutes reading and that’s all well and good, but it’s their EVERY DAY. They do not get to close the browser window and have it vanish.

Then it’s argued that, well, they started this! They put their lives online, so they should be true to what they started. They should be authentic to their online personas.

(Side note: it took me a good ten minutes to come up with the word authentic. I found it because it kept pinging me back to a lot of the Lana Del Ray flaming that occurred when she performed on SNL. I live a complicated existence.)

So, as someone who plays this role, let me just say: sometimes, what’s happening backstage is not fit for the audience to see. Until the cast is nailed down, or the lines are at least firmed up, there is no point in raising the curtain yet.

Also, there’s a reason you don’t see a lot of the backstage: that’s where the magic happens. If you knew how Cinderella magically transformed from ash-laden to full-on-princess, well, that would just take some of the fairy dust out of the equation, and what fun would that be anyway?

Seeing things as they are wanted to be seen is part of what the internet is about. As a result, I tend to read sites that are realistic about what they cover. If they are parents writing, I expect to hear the good and the bad of parenting. Please spare me the 24/7 sunshine and roses routine, because, um, I HAVE KIDS. I know that there’s copious amounts of poop and tantrums. So when you paint the Norman Rockwell, that’s your choice, but I don’t find that worth my time.

But keep in mind that even “truthful” sites – like this one, I suppose? – have things that you don’t know are happening. This month is a grand example. Everything is fine now, but man, we had a couple of weeks where I couldn’t put words to paper. Is that me beingunauthentic? Perhaps. But it’s how bloggers are. To be perfectly honest, if I saw a blogger document a marriage unraveling or a bankruptcy surfacing, I’d doubt it was truthful at all. You hold some cards close to the chest until you’re ready to show your hand. It’s part of the theatre of it. We are story-tellers.

Anyway. I wanted you to know that I try and give you the truth as I believe it is meant to be revealed. This weekend had some unfortunately-timed comments happen that I took personally – whether or not they were directed at me is irrelevant, really, because BUCK UP, BUTTERCUP, amirite? – and I thought I needed to say this. I love my kids, I love my husband, I love my life – but I may not like them from time to time. That’s part of, you know, being human.

Anyway. July, let’s do this.

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