Can we just talk about the Opening Ceremonies for a minute? Now, I know that Beijing spoiled us last time with an AMAZING, GORGEOUS show – and of course, we all know that all performers were spot-on because they probably faced flogging or execution or something – but .. Friday night’s ceremonies were just .. weird. I am no anglophile, but .. I am fairly well-read or whatever, and I was just .. it was SO WEIRD.

I likened it to finding one YouTube video that you intentionally wanted to watch and then clicking the top Related Video for the next two-hour wormhole. IT MADE NO SENSE. The giant Voldemort! The big baby head! Kenneth Brannaugh, the tallest hobbit of them all! Cruella DeVille! What in the holy hell, London?

So I was trying to convince a four year old and a twelve year old that No! This is really cool! Just .. hang on, it should get better if only .. no, really, wait just a minute and THANK GOD, Rowan Atkinson was there. Mr. Bean saved the night, in my opinion. And then I hop on Twitter to proclaim that this man might just salvage the ENTIRE Olympics, and I noticed no less than five people remarking on how terrible PeeWee Herman looked at the Olympics.

I GIVE UP, HUMANITY. YOU WIN.