I’m in a fantastically crabby mood.

It’s nothing YOU did, obviously. You people are great and amazing and quite frankly? I need you here. In my life. Like, ALL THE TIMES. But you’re not here, and that makes me crabby too.

Ah. Okay. Actually, it IS something you did then.

***

So the freakin’ dog ate my freakin’ phone on Thursday night. I am of two minds about this.

1 – Yes. It happened. And I let it. I left my phone sitting on the couch as I was hurrying to get everyone packed up and organized and out the door for dinner.

2 – WHY DIDN’T ANYONE NOT LET THIS HAPPEN?

I understand that Numero Uno up there is far more realistic and accountable and I get that. And instead of being upset and angry and flipping my gawddamn lid like I wanted to, I sucked in a deep breath, and recited that line to the children. We have a dog who chews things. Which is why we pick up after ourselves.

But see? See that last line there? THAT’S why Number Two keeps popping back up. Do you KNOW how often I circle our common areas, picking up what a boy has left behind? DO YOU KNOW? Do you know, for instance, how often I’ve saved Bryan’s phone/Playstation Remotes/Tv Remotes/plastic dishware from having this same fate? I literally never leave the house without first circling through those rooms to make sure everything is put away. In fact, part of why I LEFT the phone in the first place is that I was hurrying to get Tony’s snackware put away.

But I left my phone out. It was me that did it.

I just wouldn’t mind someone having my back occasionally.

***

And that’s really the crux of my really crabby mood lately. This is totally a WAHHH POOR ME moment, but hey. I’m human. I’m allowed those. This week is kind of a banner week for me, really. I got accepted into my college of choice. I’m having my big graduation race this weekend, and I may serve as a mentor for the next training class. I’ve also spent my free time studying up on different tutoring curriculums and how they work or conflict with different learning disabilities.

The response I’ve received on those items?

Did not meet my expectations.

So I’m in a crabby mood.

***

My email signature at work for years has read Desire. Ask. Believe. Receive. which is a quote from Stella Terrill Mann. I’m just not a fan of kvetching without working to find a solution. And I feel like I’m trying masterfully hard to make solutions where there are none. And I’m just ready for the pieces to start falling into place. I’m also starting to wonder if I’m trying too hard, making my expectations unrealistic, or if I’m looking at the wrong pieces. Maybe I need a different puzzle entirely.

***

GRADUATION RACE TOMORROW! THERE ARE COOKIES AT THE END!!