Don’t forget that I’m running a contest for a $50 gift card to Lingerie.com,

and you still have two more days to enter! Hurry, hurry!
***

SO.

I had this amazing revelation the other day.

I was bending over, scrubbing an INCREDIBLY difficult shower, and once again having a little pity party for myself.  This is always how I find myself when things get hard.  I mean, working in a cubicle definitely had its own challenges, but working in a service industry?  Dude.  DOOOOOOOD.  Rough beyond words.  And it’s easy to pine for the good old, white-collar days.

But then I realized:

.. my program was canceled.

Like, my old space program job.  Canceled.  Gone.  People got pink slips.  Most of them got no notice. (I mean, we all had the foreboding knowledge that money was drying out, but we figured notice and severance were a given.)

So in reality?  Regardless of the path I’ve chosen, I would still be right where I am today.

And suddenly, I was just .. better.

Blame was unnecessary.  Anger was too.  No matter what, no matter how, no matter when, I would still be doing what I was doing right this very second.  So it was SUPPOSED to be this way.  I was supposed to stand on my own two feet, working my ass off to start something new.  It was fate.

Ad knowing that, knowing that I was being forcefully shoved in one direction by the stars, made me stop.  And redirect.  And maybe not “relax”, but … I dunno.

You know how in that gawd-awful movie Evan Almighty (and okay, it wasn’t TERRIBLE, but it wasn’t Bruce Almighty fo sho), when the wife is just down and out and contemplating leaving because things are just so hard now and she goes to eat at some fish restaurant, and there’s Morgan Freeman serving her hush puppies and he says:

Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

Yeah.  That.  And while I’m more of an agnostic than a dedicated theologian, I entirely agree that we’re given gentle pushing to the open window of our future.  And mine?  Was not so gentle.  Because I am that stubborn.

And so: Worry, Doubt, Shame, Bitterness, Resentment, Jealousy, Fear?  I’m done with you.

My energy is now directed elsewhere.

(Just as soon as I find some.)