One of the (many) things I do is announce for a local sports team.  And not just any sports team.  A sports team of bad-asses.

Like, seriously.

These athletes are insanely conditioned.  They practice three or four times a week, showing endurance that I firmly believe would challenge any professional .. anything.  They sweat and grunt and work and fall harder than many professional athletes.  And they’re all women.  And they’re all part-time athletes. (In theory.)

These bad-asses are our local team of the Women’s Flat-Track Derby Association, the Dixie Derby Girls.

These mothers/professionals/teachers/admins/dentists/media mavens routinely strap on some skates and KICK SOME ASS.  They are the sweetest, most kind women you’d ever want to meet .. unless you’re in the dark alley on a rink.

They are not to be trifled with.  They are there to lay a four-wheeled beatdown on your ass.

I’ll admit; when I joined the league as their announcer, I assumed it was just kind of .. skating in a circle.  Like, fast-skating, sure .. but just racing in a circle.  With lotsa other girls.

Then I attended a scrimmage.

DUDE, THESE GIRLS?!  THESE GIRLS TAKE HARDER SPILLS THAN SHAUN WHITE, FOR REALS.

And my main squeeze, Miss Bettie Pageturner is playing in her first bout this weekend.  Which makes me uber happy, because she was sitting at lunch with Ronda and I one day and said, “Okay, y’all, don’t laugh .. but I think I’m going to join the local derby league.”  WHY WOULD WE LAUGH?  SHE COULD TOTALLY KICK OUR ASS!

Admittedly, I wish I were brave enough to don the skates and pads and head out there with them.  Because, in all honesty and I think everyone would agree: there is just nothing sexier than roller skates and fishnets.  Damn skippy.

Although I try.

If you’re in the local Huntsville area this weekend, make a point to head over and watch these girls in a double-header at the VBC.  Since we’re a non-profit, 10% of our proceeds are going to benefit our local Aids Action Coalition.  The best part?  We’re totally family friendly.  The girls have to watch their language (which is DIFFICULT when you take a wheel to the nu-nu, can I JUST say?), there are PLENTY of safe places for the kids to sit, and it’s a lot of fun, fast-paced action for everyone.  You cannot ask for better role models than these ladies, hand to Jeebus.  I’m just flattered they’ll let me claim to be a part of them.

Come out and cheer on YOUR Dixie Derby Girls!