Archive | December 1, 2009

EDWARD DOES NOT COUNT AS A VAMPIRE.

I.. I just don’t get it.

I TRIED.  I did.  I got halfway through the first lunar book (something about some celestial body) and you know what?  I HATED IT.  I hated Edward, I hated Bella, and I hated Bella’s Dad.  That was as far as I got.  I hated the rain and the damn cold of that damn town and I threw the book across the room because if I had to read one MORE FREAKIN’ EMO-RIDDEN WORD ABOUT BEING A TEENAGER I WAS GOING TO TAKE A BATH WITH A TOASTER.

I know.  I know a lot of you hate me now.  You hate me hard.  And you know what?  I’M FINE WITH THAT.

Because I?  Am a vampire fan.  Like, a true one.  I read Vampire Diaries BEFORE THERE WAS A CW SERIES.  I read Anne Rice when I was TWELVE.  And if you liked Twilight?  Try reading it in its original incarnation: IT’S CALLED THE SOOKIE STACKHOUSE SERIES. 

Because you know what, guys?  VAMPIRES HAVE SEX.  They have sex, they like sex, and they have it.  And this crap about waiting because of the implications and the ramifications of their lovemaking?  BULLSHIT.  I call bullshit on it.

But if you’re into the Diet Sookie stuff, that’s fine.  I won’t begrudge you.  I know a LOT of my friends are the people who lined up at the movie theatres to watch the midnight premier.  More power to those people.

I am just not one of them.

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