So, let me just take a moment to talk about a recent passing that has severely affected me.
No, not Michael Jackson. I mean, sure, icon and legend and all of that jazz. But, really, to me he is always going to be that WEIRD guy. This may make me callous and you may violently disagree with me, but in my mind, his fame and sphere of influence has been gone since the raid at Neverland.
Or even Farrah Fawcett. As little as I cared about Jackson’s passing, I cared even less about Farrah’s. I know this also makes me evil, but I was in that generation that knew nothing of her other than her hair came back into fashion a few years back. And she had famous nipples. But, can I say, that if you’re going to go, that ANAL CANCER may just be the more horrible way to die? Yes, I do believe that having some parasitic amoeba eat away the inner intestines of your bowels might just be the one way I don’t want to die. So my condolences and all that.
But yesterday? FUCKING BILLY MAYS DIED.
I’m sorry; that was incredibly rude.
The LATE FUCKING BILLY MAYS DIED.
I have had a long running obsession with infomercials. That doesn’t make sense, nor is it healthy for my bank accounts, but there you have it. I love them. LOVE THEM. Maternity leave was like a godsend to me because I could spend sleepless days in front of court tv and sleepless nights in front of infomercials.
Billy Mays was sort of a hero of mine.
I mean, think about it. The guy had one talent: he could yell persuasively. And he turned that into a multi-million dollar empire. And he did it all with one shirt, my friends. That? That is talent.
Then, Discovery Channel FINALLY picked up on what I already knew: that Billy was a star. He was featured in the new show, “Pitchmen”, alongside fellow infomercial genius Anthony Sullivan. It showed how they picked their products to sell, and how genuine they really were. They LOVED what they did, and they were good at it. They were our modern day carnival barkers, and I loved it.
And now? There is no more Billy Mays. My heart is broken. Our Everyman has fallen.