Archive | March, 2009

Evening with The Coven

By on March 22, 2009 in The Coven

Last night..

.. OH, LAST NIGHT..

Last night was so incredibly amazing.  And so needed.  OHMYGOD, I NEEDED IT.

I met the gals at Surin of Thailand for food and THE MOST AMAZING ALCOHOLIC DRINKS EVER.  Seriously.  We’re all pretty stout and regular drinkers, and after a few sips, we were all slurring and laughing entirely too loud.  (I highly recommend their pomegranate martini.. I easily could’ve had three, if I could’ve remained sitting upright.)

After dinner, we realized we were WAY late for our next appointment, so we all hurried to our balcony seats at a local production of “The Miracle Worker”.  The little girl playing Helen (Keller) had me in TEARS through most of the show.  Her movements and complete immersion into the role tugged on the heartstrings of every mother in the audience.  Jesus, she had me as a wreck.  She totally stole the show and was fantabulous and I cannot say enough good things about her.

After that, we all went home.

I know, right?  Sounds kinda lame, kinda boring?  No big adventures, no big stories to tell?  But here’s the thing: I am friends with some of the wittiest, most hysterically awful people on the planet.  And stick us all at a table and feed us alcohol?  Oh, it was amazing.  I laughed to the point of crying several times.  Ronda and I rode together and decided that next time, we are totally going to film it. 

Some of the snarkier things to happen during the night:

We called the House Manager of the theatre because 1) we were running late and 2) we know him and we’re the kind of biatches to totally pull strings in our favor.  Ronda’s calling him, and I’m driving.  “Tell him we’re coming to see that girl play Annie Potts!”  (Sadly, I was serious.  And probably drunk.  DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE, KIDS.)

Steph, one of the founding members of The Coven, is actually a very skilled American Sign Language interpreter.  During the show, she and Ronda would take turns spelling into eachother’s hands.  Since Ronda and I are NOT ASL masters, we only know a few words.. namely, “vagina”, “burger”, “fucking”, and “bitch”.  Really, that gets us as far as we need to go. 

Flava Flav sat behind us.  It was either him or Charles Barkley.

We got to check out Jamie’s Fabulous Cabinosity.  I know, it’s hard not to be jealous.

I learned how to say “beautiful” in Korean.

It was just a few hours, but seriously, that might just sustain me for a little while.

Until our next meeting of The Coven.

Comments { 6 }

Arts & Crafts

By on March 21, 2009 in The Unexplainable

Cause this seriously makes me laugh till I cry.

Comments { 1 }

Hypotheticals.

By on March 19, 2009 in The Challenge

We were sitting in front of the tv two weeks or so ago, and Bryan suddenly turns to me and says, “You know I want more than this, right?”

It was a question I wasn’t expecting from him, but really, it was SO nice to hear.

He continued.  “I want us to travel, and I want us to go places and do things and live a full life, and I know there’s more to it than just eating dinner, doing dishes, and watching TiVo every night.  I need you to know that I’m not content with this.  We’re not done yet.”

I know the economy is killing everyone right now, so I feel bad complaining about money.  We’re more fortunate than most; although both of our companies are struggling, neither one of us have had the threat of layoffs.  We have good (great, really) health insurance.  And for the most part, we have our health.

And we’re actually incredibly careful with our money.  We make choices based on months of bills ahead.  After spending years of living paycheck to paycheck and praying it’s all covered, we actually (gasp!) have a budget that factors in the next several months of our expenditures.  So we’re trying.

Of course, it doesn’t help that the price of everything is rising.  Daycare is raising its weekly rates, grocery shopping is downright depressing, and our utility company just announced another rate hike.  ::sigh::

Anyway, so, enough with the reality, right?  Bryan asked me what I wanted to do when we have money.

Keep in mind, this is all hypothetical.  No doubt that any “extra” we have will quickly be absorbed by bills and whatnot.  OR TIRES.

SO!  A list of hypothetical purchases I want to make with hypothetical money.

One of these dresses in every color.  I buy at least one of these every spring, and this year?  THEY HAVE POCKETS.

One of these in every color.  I am all torso, so longer tanks/tees are essential to me not showing the tramp stamp.

I would like to spend a day here.  There’s one in Atlanta and I’m DYING to take a trip.  I could link to every product I want to buy there, but I’m only allowed so much bandwidth.

For whatever unknown insane reason, the former owners of our house did not want any of the windows to open.  Literally, of the fifteen windows in the house, TWO open.  In the same room.  So you cannot air out the house, and y’all know I am insane about needing a cross breeze to let the dragon out.  I would buy windows for our bedrooms.

It matches my bedroom walls.  Need I say more?

And I don’t have to explain that one either.

Again.  I just like it.  Sue me.

Y’all, I literally mop the entire front of my house twice or three times a week.  With two dogs, Alabama red clay, and three boys, we go through at least 1 liter of Swiffer Wet Jet cleaning fluid a week.  I have to think this would be a better alternative.

Ah ha!  A 90-piece complete closet organization kit, featuring the slim-line hangers I adore!  I’ll take four kits, please.

And just think, once I’ve gotten my closets organized, my bed made, my floors steamed, and my windows open, I’ll finally have time and energy enough to work that pole from Flirty Girl Fitness.

Alright, your turn: a mysterious benefactor lands you a surprise inheritance.  What’s your hypothetical splurge?

Comments { 3 }

The Cult of the iPhone

By on March 17, 2009 in The Unexplainable

We were in some really important meeting a week or so ago and taking a five minute bathroom break when our VP barks at me, “Sarah, I need to talk to you.”

I eyed the door.  Because I figure it would be professional for me to bolt, as long as I did it at the speed of a superhero.  Cause then he’d be like, “WOW!  Look at her run!  She must be a SuperHero!  Give her a raise!”

Sadly, I only succeeded in stumbling over my purse.  At which point he said, “Yeah, come sit over here.  We need to talk.”

I hate being called to the principal’s office.  Although when I was called at school, it was usually because the principal wanted my advice.  I was very much the advice-giving type.

Please don’t wear that color again.  It makes you look jaundiced.

So, back to my story.  I grabbed my phone and plopped in the seat next to him. 

“So, Sarah,” he said.  “You know, I see you playing with your phone when we’re in these meetings.”

“I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE,” I retorted, showing him my mature adult side.  “EVERYONE DOES IT.  THEY ALL SIT AND FIDDLE WITH THEIR BLACKBERRIES.  WHY AM I IN TROUBLE?”

He looked at me for a moment, clearly trying to quantify how I ever landed a professional gig, and smiled.  “No, I just meant.. I want to see your phone.  Can you show me what these kids are so obsessed about now?”

And I became Mrs. Apple.  I opened up my phone and put it in his hand. 

He stared at it.  “Can I.. can I touch it?  Can I play with your iPhone?”

I nodded, meeting his gaze.  “Yes, but please be gentle.  And I’m going to sit here with you, to make sure you don’t open up porn or anything.”

When people get their iPhone/iPod Touch, the first question they inevitably have is: What apps do I need?

Here are a list of my favorites:

  • Tweetie – If you use Twitter, you MUST have Tweetie on your iPhone.  Sure, it’s a paid app (What, $2.99 or something? TOTALLY worth it), but the trade-off is phenomenal.  Honestly, I think it’s better than the actual Twitter website.
  • Shazam – I use this AT LEAST once a day.  If you’re in your car, or in a store, or walking down the street, and a song is playing and you think, “THIS is the song I need when I posing nude in front of a mirror, but what IS it?”, turn on Shazaam and let it “listen” for just a few seconds.  In under a minute, you’ve got the name, artist, and album that the song is on, PLUS the option of downloading it from iTunes.
  • Sale Price – Calculates sale prices.  Put in the original price, plus two sets of markdowns (say, if you get 30% off an already 75% discount) AND add in state sales tax.  Me not math smart.  Me needz math phone.
  • Mobile Fotos – an app that gives you Flickr-esque capability.  You can upload to your Flickr account from your iPhone without having to open an email.
  • aSleep – an app that plays an astounding number of “white noises” to help you fall asleep.  You can set a timer for it to automatically shut off, or you can let it play indefinitely.  This was the first app I used on my phone, and I still use it for cat naps (it helps me fall asleep quickly and get a good deep nap).
  • Bubbles – this is the simplest app ever.  Merely touch the screen and make bubbles.  Touch the bubbles to pop them.  Sounds silly and pointless, but hand this over to a 16 month old who is tired of sitting still and VOILA!, you have an entertained toddler.  Which is worth its weight in gold.
  • ColorCanvas – one of the Big Canvas products and I adore all of them.  This one allows you to import an existing picture (say from your iPhone library) as a black and white image and only restore color to certain parts of it.  Yes, I know, you can do this in Photoshop.  But I can do this IN MY HAND!  And it’s addicting.  And it was free.

If you have a favorite, please let me know so I can be like you.  I want to be like you.  Especially if you’re cool.

Anyway, I have totally sold my VP on getting one of these.  Because, sure, you can fiddle with a BlackBerry during a meeting, but does it have an app on it that works as a mobile whoopie cushion? 

I rest my case.

Comments { 6 }

Monday Morning Laugh

By on March 16, 2009 in The Unexplainable

There is, most likely, a REAL post forthcoming.  But I HAD to share this with you.

I have a thing for puppetry.  And nothing tickles me more than when the puppet stays in full character during goofs.

(I also have a thing for Ricky Gervais.)

Comments { 4 }
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