It’s amazing to look at a year ago and realize that, HOLY SHIT, it was twelve full months prior. So much has changed, namely: THE BINJA WAS BORN. I remember being incredibly uncomfortable at last year’s birthday and thinking that GOD, it can not get MUCH WORSE than this. (Ha.)(Ha. Ha.)(BWAHAHAHA.)

And yet, life has changed for the better. I had a dream during Annie, one of those really saccharin dreams that kinda makes you stop and think and all the while throw up in your mouth a little bit, where the blue fairy from Pinocchio floated into my window and said that she could grant me one wish: she could take me back to pre-pregnancy. Everything will be exactly as it was: my body would still be in wedding condition, I could go out at night without making tons of arrangements, and we would have $200 extra a week.

“But will I know then what I know now?” I asked, worried that without that knowledge, I would be prone to make the same mistake again.

“Oh, yes,” she said. “You’ll know EVERYTHING that you know now.”

It sounded like a sweet bargain, so I agreed.

And then I realized the mistake. Sure, I was back into my Ann Taylor and Banana Republic wardrobe, but JEEBUS, there was something missing. And Bryan and I could hit the town as late as we wanted to without care or repercussion, but damn, there was a big ole hole.

Because the Fairy was smarter than her spandex wings let on; she knew that what I carried back with me was not just knowledge.. it was also love.

I told you you would vomit.

Anyway, today I turn a ghastly 28 years old. It’s much older than I ever remember being. It’s almost thirty. I have started the celebration early by partaking in three TiVo’d episodes of The Hills. I plan on doing NOT SHIT tomorrow and then joining my family for a rousing birthday dinner at our favorite cajun hangout.

I have made a promise to myself that a year from now, at 29, I will be 50 lbs smaller. Fifty. That’s no small task. But it’s doable. I think I can do this. And I plan to do it. Tune in 365 days from now for my celebratory post!