Bryan: And I remember the first time I saw you onstage. It was in that show, the one you don’t ever talk about, and you had such an amazing presence on stage.

Me: You’re just saying that because you’re sleeping with me.

Bryan: NO. Seriously, you owned the stage the minute you set foot on it. You were amazing. And you were what made me think, “Thank God; there IS talent in this town.”

Me: Aww.. honey, that is so sweet. And THAT is why I married you.

Bryan: I thought it was for my schlong.

Me: ..

Bryan: And the fact that I refer to it as “my schlong”.

Me: ..

Bryan: Or my “que pasa”.

Me: Keilbasa?

Bryan: How YOU doin?