These are conversations Bryan and I have a lot.

Me: And I said that you bitched about shaving your head and I was all, yeah, well, try shaving these italian body parts EVERY FRICKIN DAY, and then I’ll cry you a river, big boy.

Bryan: I’m just saying that maybe you don’t shave every day.  So don’t go there.

Me: (gasping) BRYAN!  Why are you calling me fat?!

Bryan: I.. what?  When did I..?  I wasn’t.. I didn’t say..

Me: Jesus.  I just had a BABY, for crissakes.

Bryan: Well, why are you calling me old?

Me: Why are you saying that I smell bad?

Bryan: It really hurts my feelings when you make fun of my stump like that.

Me: I find it hard to believe my third nipple is just now bothering you.

Bryan: How are you going to bring up my webbed toes AGAIN?

Me: That one boyfriend of mine LIKED my unibrow, thankyouverymuch.

Bryan: Talk to you later, choke-a-bitch.

Me: Love ya, Fister.