Voice: Thank you for calling [name withheld] daycare of [area withheld].  My name is Nina.  Can I help you?

Me: Yes, Nina.  My name is Sarah Brown, and I’m calling to see if you have an opening in your infant room.

Nina: And how old is your child?

Me: An infant.

Nina: Yes, but how old?

Me: Three months.  Currently.

Nina: Obviously currently.  Is he potty trained yet?

Me: No.  But he speaks fluent sign language.

Nina: Hm.  Can he sign “I need to go to the bathroom please”?

Me: He doesn’t say please.  He says NOW.

Nina: Hm.  I’m not sure we can help you if you have a rude child.  We only accept polite infants.

Me: I’m so disappointed.  Does it matter that he knows how to give the finger?

Nina: No, I’m sorry.  We can’t help you.

Me: Well, can you recommend some subpar daycare who DOES handle rude little snotty infants?

Nina: Oh, sure.  I’ll be happy to fax you a list.  Be warned, though; it’s about fifty pages.. because it’s EVERY DAYCARE I DONT WORK AT.

Me: Seriously, can y’all take Tony?

Nina: For you, Sarah, ANYTHING.

How I plan to help the economy: DAYCARE.

On top of everything else that we’ve decided to undergo here as of late, we’re now in the time crunch of finding adequate daycare for Tony.  We’ve been absolutely blessed thus far to have my mom watch him during the day, but now she’s being all needy with this “I need to go make money” crap. (I kid.  She’s just highly sought after, and people pay her insane amounts of money for her talents.)

The thing is, it’s not like we’ve just been sitting on our thumbs.  We’re on FOUR waiting lists.  FOUR.  Two of them, we’ve been on since Tony was just a fetus.  Granted, one of them looks promising, but Jeebus, this is ridiculous.  Why can’t I just sign my kid up somewhere? 

I still have three more places to call, but then I think we’re just gonna have to bite the bullet and succumb to the one place that’s got an immediate opening.  Why do they have an immediate opening, you might ask?  Ah, that would be because you have to sell your liver to afford sending your child there.  Both of them. (more…)

Because I do adore the lil Peeps.

Thanks, Sudie!