Mom: His skin looks SO much better!  What have you been using? 

Me: I’ve been making a homemade concoction of Cetaphil, Hyliera, and .5% hydrocortisone cream. It’s really making a difference.

Mom: Seriously! Look at his legs! So, I’m sorry, you said you mixed what together again..?

Me: I just took an empty philosophy bottle and stuck in some Cetaphil, some of that Hyliera, and..

Mom: .. and hydrochloric acid. I heard that part.

Me: .. NOOOO, I said hydrocortisone cream. Please, for the love of all that’s holy, do NOT put hydrochloric acid on my child.

Mom: Shut up. It’s early.

Me: Okay, then should I bring him back later, or leave him here and risk him looking like The Joker when I get back?