How horrible am I?  The day we’re supposed to go to the specialist and find out about Tony’s lucky foot, I fall off the face of the earth?  Pretty horrible.

Because Bryan actually researched it, I’ll point you to his site for a great description of what the (fabulous) specialist had to tell us about Tony.  Long story short, we’ve got time on our side.  And the sweet little boy slept through the whole thing.

We got home from the doctor’s and Bryan went to work in the nursery, hanging shades.  As much as new parents labor over their nurseries, I wonder how much time the child actually spends in there.  For instance, Tony has not once slept in his crib yet.  He’s been hanging out in the living room with the rest of us, dozing in a Pack ‘n Play. 

Bryan laid down to take a nap and I did the same with Tony on my chest, and when I woke up, I felt like I was on the brink of death.  I had chills that were so violent that I’ve pulled muscles, and a fever of 101.7.  Bryan made an emergency call to the women’s clinic and they deduced I had an infected milk duct.

Why do we breastfeed?  And yes, Le Leche members, I know that it’s heathier for the babies.  I know that we pass things on to them through our breast milk that they can’t get in formula.  But I was a formula baby, and perhaps I’m biased, but I think I turned out okay.  And Lord knows my mother never had a night like I did last night, where my fever finally broke at 103 and I was praying for death.

12 hours and several antibiotics later, I’m down to a reasonable temperature (still a low-grade fever) and the one boob is feeling slightly better. 

So here’s my rant for the day:

Breastfeeding did not (does not) come naturally to me.  I know that a lot of women just attach the baby and BOOM! everything is all wonderful and happy.  Leprechauns dance, unicorns saunter by, and all is right with the world.  I have NOT had such a great experience.  And I promised myself that I would committ to at least six months, but last night I started waivering.  A week’s good, right?  From him nursing before the milk came in (pain), to him only taking one boob (pain in the one boob), and now an infected duct in the one boob (PAIN I CANNOT ADEQUATELY DESCRIBE WITHOUT FOUR LETTER WORDS), I’m wondering why anyone does this.

And, God love him, Bryan decided to dispell his breastfeeding wisdom upon me last night.  I considered shoving a piece of ginger up his urethra while he slept so he could, perhaps, understand the pain to which I’m referring, but instead I just cried.

It will get better, I know.  But it still sucks. (Pardon the pun.)