moar funny pictures

I went to see the doc today.

It was trippy from the get-go, as the nurse that I routinely saw in my first and second trimester was back.  She had a baby about three weeks ago, so she was always kind of a kindred spirit when I went in.  Today, she was EXHAUSTED.  She asked if I had any concerns, and when I said, “Yes, that this baby is never coming out,” she told me that she hasn’t slept well in weeks.  And that I should enjoy this.

Then, I lost three pounds.  Which she was excited about, because then she said I could eat guilt-free this holiday.  I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works. (Although I’m totally doing it, regardless.)

My blood pressure is great, as always.  Baby’s heartrate is great (slightly lower than normal, but he’s also got stuff on his mind, too).  Then my doc (MY doc, not my rotational doc for the week) came in.  I told him I thought the baby was going to stay in until he was 12.  He said history was on my side for that one that it wouldn’t happen.

Then the blessed checking of the cervix happens.  This is Bryan’s favorite part, because I don’t think I’ve ever seen Bryan’s jaw drop before.  The one he was present for, he STILL talks about.  “How does he get his arm in up to his elbow?” he asked.  I told him that there’s a reason doctors don’t wear watches.

I sat up, unassisted, and the doctor looked at me like I had just sprouted a second head.  “You can still sit up on your own?” he asked.  I asked him how he thought I got out of bed in the morning.  “That’s a good sign,” he said.  “You keep those abs working.”

Alright.  Versus just remaining horizontal for ten more days.

So he took a seat and said, “So what were you last week?  The attending wrote down 0 cm.”  I know my face got all scrunchy and I corrected him that the doctor had told me 1 cm.  Was the doctor just trying to make me feel better, like a consolation dilation?  My doc said, “No, you’re past 1 now.. you’re close to 2.  Just not there yet.  BUT..”

I LOVE “but”s.

“.. you’re 50% effaced.  And your cervix is VERY soft.  And the baby is in the birth canal, head down.  So although your dilation is not very favorable, the other factors are.  I can’t recommend induction now, but by next Tuesday, if you haven’t delivered, we’ll schedule.  And I don’t know that you’ll make it to next Tuesday.”

And the clouds parted, and angels sang.

And Sarah is running around like a chicken with her head cut off today, trying to get ready for all that shit she should’ve already done.

Congratulations to Book Club member Nina!  She was actually due a week after me, but last night her water broke.. and Baby Ethan joined us early this morning!!

(bitch.)

NO, I KID.  I’m so happy for her and the new family!!