Archive | November, 2007


I think one of the most terrifying things in life is when you blow your nose, and you feel something the consistency and size of roughly eight wet jelly beans shoot out, and when you check the tissue.. NOTHING IS THERE. 

Then you spend the rest of the day frantically checking your shirt, your pants, your desk, your seat, your keyboard, your steering wheel, WHATEVER, trying to find that horrendous refuge before someone else spots it.

I usually fail.

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Dear Binja:

Oh, son o’ mine, the time has come for you to join us.

I know that you are an Ides of March baby, which means I’m in for a very interesting parenthood, but can we start the insanity POST-birth?  This whole “waiting for the due date” thing is slowly killing your poor mother.  I know you’ll find an entire list of ways to slowly kill your mother throughout your childhood (some of which will include dead fish and an aversion to anything green and/or healthy), but let’s begin that later.


Because I’m a ridiculous hippie who believes in karma and other phenomenons, I have been trying odd rituals to entice you to make your grand entrance.  For instance, this morning, I broke routine and WORE MAKEUP.  Doesn’t that freak you out enough to slide on out?  I also SKIPPED BREAKFAST.  Surely one of these anomalies is enough to make you want to abandon ship.

I have considered going on a hunger strike, where I intake no more food until you join us OUT HERE, but everyone informed me that you’ll keep eating regardless of my intake.  I’m trying to NOT let this fact make me consider you a parasite, but damn, child.  Tony the Tapeworm Comer.  Has a ring to it, doesn’t it?

Do you know that after playing the Wii for TWO HOURS last night, I was exhausted, sore, and you were asleep? (Sidenote: is it “the Wii” or just “Wii”?  I’m not clear on lingo.  Cause I’m ancient.)

And quit throwing me these bogus contractions.  First of all, they hurt.  Secondly, they do nothing.  Thirdly, they PISS ME OFF.  I am running low(er) on tact and kindness now, and the people at work are starting to cower in my presence. (Again.. more so than usual.)

Okay, so here’s the bottom line: I am SO ready to meet you.  I’ve known you since you were merely a bean, and I’m ready to hold you.  I’m ready to hear you cry.  I’m ready to lose sleep because I want to listen to you sleep.  I’m ready to freak out when your belly button scab falls off.  I’m ready to pull my hair out and wonder why I ever decided parenthood was a good idea only to have you smile.  And I’m ready for you to remind me several thousands times a day why I did this. 

Everything is ready, Binja.  When you’re ready, come out and play with us.

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Originally uploaded by Bryan Comer.

I’ve had days like this. About ten months of them, recently.

Isn’t that just the most precious thing you’ve ever seen? We giggled about that for a long time.

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Quick. Unlike BIRTH.

I am taking five minutes to blog because, well, I’m supposed to be taking it easy this week.


I have not had a child yet.  I don’t think he’s ever coming.  As a matter of fact, if we induce on December 6th, I still think he will take another few days to join us.  He’s just as stubborn as his .. father.

I try not to blog about work.  Why?  Because I did once and got my hand slapped over it.  And it’s uncouth.  But I have to say, because I will shortly explode, that this week has been the most singularly most trying week at work I’ve had in a LOOONG time.  And while I had hoped I could start my maternity leave with calm and the knowledge that everything was fine and taken care of, it does not appear to be happening that way.  Which is frustrating beyond measure.

In other news, it’s nice to have something to obsess about other than the impending birth.  Assuming it’s impending.

In response to Geoff’s comments, we did finally score a Wii.  Of course, we had to go bicoastal (thanks to the fabulous Aunt Jenni), but we did manage to snag one that was at the original MSRP.  Don’t tell The Boy, but we plan to try it out tonight.  We’re gonna Wii the baby out.

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This is a fabulous list, and I couldn’t agree more.

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