So, this weekend, I decided to throw in the towel and cash in one of my massage certificates a week earlier than originally planned. I figured that 35 weeks seemed as justifiable as 36 weeks, and besides, I hurt like hell.
I’ve never had a professional massage before, so I was a bit nervous about going. When they asked me if I had a male or female preference, I said “no” without even thinking. I mean, honestly, I prefer men as my ob/gyns, so why would I care what kind of hands rubbed all over me?
Yeah, I totally cared.
Now, let it be said that my masseuse did everything by the book. I was draped all of the time, and the room was warm, dimly lit, and filled with some sort of whale song. But he wanted to talk. I have read (a bazillion times, at least) the proper etiquette to quiet your masseuse/nail tech/hair dresser, but I’ll be damned if I could think of a one of them when I was naked and on a table. So it was very odd when he began to knead my shoulder and I felt the drape come down a bit, and he asked, “So.. are you planning on breastfeeding?”
Again, in his defense, he was married and his wife had just given birth. So he was very pro-pregnancy. (I, however, am not. Let the shock wear off.) He talked about how beautiful the pregnant mother is, how she just glows, and how supple her skin becomes. You know, while I’m naked on a table.
Although parts of it felt AH-MAY-ZING, parts of hurtlikeamotherfucker. My hips were apparently way out of alignment (who knew?), and I carry a lot of tension in my right shoulder. He kept pushing one finger in this one spot where something kept popping, and then he’d say, “Wow, you’re really tense there.”
I’d wince and say, ‘Yeah, it’s cause you’re hurting me.”
He made his predictions: 8 lbs, 2 oz, on November 28th. It will seriously freak my shit out if he’s right.
Towards the end of the massage, he moved to my neck. I had to ask him not to play in my hair.. that just felt too personal. He’s not my husband. WHO KNEW I WOULD BE THIS GIRL?! I suddenly felt very silly. And very protective of my unborn child. (WHY?!)
All in all, I do feel much better. I feel looser, if that makes any sense, and he showed me the way I should be sleeping to align my back and hips correctly. When I left, I couldn’t believe that an hour and a half had passed. It felt like twenty minutes.
I’ll be back. With a gal, fo sho.