I’m bored off my ass.  I have nothing to do.  AGAIN.

Nothing sounds like something I want to eat. (Except risotto and fried pickles.)

I need hairspray.  Not, like, the movie.  Real hairspray.

I’ve got to wait TWO. MORE. DAYS. to find out the gender of my baby.

Bryan is in a theatre all weekend.

And his suggestion was, “Why don’t you do some yoga?”

Do you remember your first audition?

I do.  It was for The Velveteen Rabbit, umpteen thousand years ago.  I couldn’t tell you who the director was, or what part I was aiming for, or what I wore that day.  I can tell you that it was in the OLD Fantasy Playhouse building (the building on St. Clair Ave that’s since been condemned, and probably wasn’t far off from condemnation at the time), that it was FAR too warm in the big room with all of those children in there, and I read once.  For a building block.  I sucked ass.  I was not cast.

I read for a building block and was not cast.

Today, Caroline invited myself and Ronda to join a very talented producer in holding a “fake” audition.  Her Auditioning Class needed a culmination, and what better way to put into practice everything she had taught them than in an actual audition?

It was not the first time I’d sat on a casting committee, but I wanted to spend an hour with each of them.  I wanted to tell them how to be cast as the building block.  I wanted to go through the sides with them, line by line, and tell them what to look for when they read over it.  As it was, we had an hour.

It was a fun afternoon.  The pantomimes loosened everyone up and taught everyone that it’s preferable to be silly at an audition. (I like silly.) A few parents and kids stayed behind to ask specific questions and gather more wise knowledge from us.  I felt like I’ve done my duty to the community.

It made me really miss theatre.  I’m working to get involved in the administrative portion of theatre.. a feat I’ve never done before.. but I miss being creatively involved.  I miss being onstage, or at least PRETENDING to be onstage. (Everyone knows that you direct/assist the director/student direct/choreograph to fill the gaps when someone is missing at rehearsal or doing it wrong.)

Is anyone doing She’s Having My Baby any time soon?

Okay, I promised myself I would not post this weekend, since I’m off today and Monday, but I have to share with you my new guilty pleasure that I never knew about because I have to work: MTV’s Fat Camp.

Yes, it is EXACTLY what it says it is.

OHMYGOD, it is all of the awkwardness of any group of coed high schoolers, multiplied by the excitement of not being the only fat kid in a room.  In fact, everyone around you is fat. (I would say “overweight”, as is politically correct, but I call MYSELF fat and don’t see any pain in the word.)

For instance, when they went on a camp outting to roller skate, the owner of the rink had to make all of the candy machines inaccessible because THAT’S what everyone gravitated to when they got in.  Isn’t that craziness?

I’m sure, later tonight, I will tell you of my wild adventures to “learn the youngins” over at Fantasy, but until then.. it is back to Fat Camp.