ARGH.

I was so ready today.  I AM so ready today.  Today was the day I was going to “come out” at work.  I was going to announce to my coworkers that I am carrying a child.

I have the entire thing rehearsed: “[Boss], I have some news.  I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant.  I am due December 1st, and I plan on staying out no longer than our company’s paid leave permits.  This will have me back no later than Feb. 1st, all medical approvals permitting.  I hope you are as excited as I am about this new development, and I hope that my performance through my first (and categorically, most difficult) trimester will ease any doubts you have about my future performance through the rest of my pregnancy.”

It sounds a bit cold, doesn’t it?  A bit business like?  Well, it has to.  That’s the only way I know to get through this.  Although I know she never would, part of me expects her to slam her fist down and go, “NO!  I cannot have two pregnant employees!  You are the low man on the totem pole.. you’re fired.”  (Please, God, don’t let that happen.  Or.. actually.. because of legalities.. I’d be okay if that happened.)

But.. my boss isn’t here yet.  I’ve been relishing this day for weeks now, and she’s not here.  Is she coming in at all?  Or is she just running late?  I DON’T KNOW.  I am hoping she just ran over a cat on the way to work and is running late.

And I’m not the only one suffering right now.  It occurred to me just last week that I pretty much told my father, “Hey, you’re having your first grandchild!  BUT DON’T TELL ANYONE.”  He’s been busting at the seams.  He asked me to call him right after we have our discussion so he can begin spreading the news. 

What I’m excited about?  Just having people know.  I wish I could say “sleeping in without remorse” or “shirking off duties” or anything like that.  But I won’t do that.  I haven’t done that.  It’s not me. 

… is she here YET?!