I am beginning to think that, as I near 30, I am not as optimistically resillient as I once was.Â I hate this.
Last night, as I finagled Bryan into stopping for a milkshake (I don’t think he bought the whole “OHMYGOD, I forgot there was a Ben & Jerry’s here!Â Since we’re here.. we should totally get a milkshake” routine), I teased him about the fact that I’ve cooked, like, eighty meals in the last week.Â I didn’t think I pushed too hard with it, but he looked at me, completely serious, and said, “You’re being very hateful tonight.”
And at the time, I laughed it off, because I didn’t feel like I was being hateful.Â I felt like I was just teasing.Â Hardball teasing, but teasing nonetheless.Â I think I went so far as to call him a pussy-girlie-girl (which, I’m sure, did worlds of good for alleviating the “hateful” vibe I was putting out).Â
However, this morning, I was sitting in a training class.Â I normally don’t mind these necessary evils, and always make a point of meeting everyone in the room.Â But today, I sat in a corner by myself.Â Someone looked my way (turns out they were trying to read my badge for the attendance list) and .. ready?.. I snapped at them.Â Me.Â Snapped.Â Then, on the way out, I held the door for the lady behind me (several times) without even saying “You’re welcome” when she thanked me.Â Me.Â Miss Etiquette.
Later, a coworker was walking right beside me for a good ten yards without me even acknowledging him.Â He asked me a question (I suppose just to get my attention), and I turned around and answered him with facts, then turned and kept walking.
Who AM I?Â Why am letting stupid stuff do this to me?
I don’t like being this short-tempered and evil person.Â And yes, even though I have some serious stress in my life, there is no excuse valid enough for me to treat people that way.Â I am not like that.Â It’s pissing me off.
I need to get away this weekend.Â Before I kill someone.