Archive | January 19, 2007

Ellipsis

By on January 19, 2007 in The Biotch, The Couch Potato

Tonight, I had a fantastic moment.

I had walked out to the garbage can to take an empty detergent out, and when I opened the door to come back in, a warm, friendly house greeted me.  There was laughter from the kitchen, where smells from a huge meal wafted out.  The dogs sat calmly in the hallway, tails wagging, and cats snoozed on blankets.  I walked in and was happy to be there.

I love my family.

In other news, the God Warrior returned.  Bryan taped it and we’re now enjoying her return to prime time.  She looks better.  Let’s see how her sanity has kept up.

A man got on the elliptical next to me tonight, and I pulled out one earbud and said, “Just so you know, I tried that one when I first got here, and it’s broken.”

“Yeah, okay,” he said, looking at me.  “You don’t wanna workout next to a black dude, huh?”

Oh, and I forgot to mention, because it’s unimportant to me as I was there to burn calories: this man was black.

All I could do was look at him.  Finally, I said, “You can use this machine on the OTHER side of me.  It’s NOT broken.”  And I put my earbud back in.

There are people in life who are constantly looking for a fight.  They always will find fault in everything you say, and they will always ALWAYS need to be hurt by your actions.  You have to laugh at these people.  Because, let’s face it, they’re hysterical.  Whether they know it or not.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

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For Steph

By on January 19, 2007 in The Coven, The Diva

Heard last night at rehearsal:

Some little child: Are you excited about this show?
Me: Yeah, sure.  It’s gonna be a lot of fun.
SLC: I hope my costume is cool.
Me: Be nice to your costumer, okay?  Always say “Thank you” when you leave.
SLC: I hear I may have to wear a cheerleader costume.
Me: Just be nice to the costumer.  You get a lot more flies with honey than you do vinegar.
SLC: Huh?
Me: Low-tone.  Just be nice to your costumer.  They can make your life easy or hard. 
SLC: Do you think your dress will be pretty?
Me: I just want some clothes.  I don’t ever hope for more than that.
SLC: Your dress in Cinderella was pretty.
Me: Cause I was nice to my costumer.

Someone has to teach the children. :)

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Deep Thoughts

By on January 19, 2007 in Uncategorized

I think a good measure of love and trust in a relationship is when I can come home and say, “Smell me and guess who loved on me tonight.”

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Here’s to the Ladies Who (Don’t) Lunch

By on January 19, 2007 in The Biotch, The Unexplainable

Whatever happened to the good ole days of quiet, hidden, eating disorders?  Remember those?  People would just look waaaay too skinny, and you’d wonder, but they seemed so healthy and lively that you’d dismiss it.  Remember those days?

Bryan and I went to Mullins the other night and watched some adolescent girl dine with her grandmother and (presumably) her grandmother’s friend.  The girl was already being snotty in general when we arrived, so I sat there, loathing her use of my air, when the waitress appeared with a piece of chocolate meringue pie.

“It’s about time she brought my cake,” the girl said. (At which point, I had to be physically restrained.)

The girl wasted no time in shoveling the chocolate pie in her mouth, when her grandmother kindly said, “I’m surprised you ordered a meringue, knowing that there’s eggs in there.”

And the girl slammed down her fork and pushed the plate away.  “HOW COULD YOU LET ME ORDER THAT?!” she whined loudly enough that we could’ve heard her at our house.  “YOU KNOW ABOUT MY WEIGHT.  EGGS WILL SABOTAGE MY WEIGHT.”

Um, yeah, cause the chocolate is a food group, after all.

“I’m so fat,” she began whining.  “I can’t eat ANYTHING.”  Let me just remark here that she had a half eaten plate of fried foods and macaroni in front of her.  And, to be quite honest, she looked like she had already beaten anorexia, anorexia had raised the white flag and begged for mercy, and she had just kept pounding those donuts down to keep the anorexia quiet.

Now, I have had issues with food and weight since I hit puberty.  You will occasionally read here that I went and worked out, or I was too busy and skipped meals yesterday.  But I don’t proclaim that I have an eating disorder.  It is not a badge I wear proudly.  And true anorexics and bullemists (are they words? I don’t know) don’t either.  So why can’t today’s youth grasp that?

If you’re going to kill yourself, fine.  It’s America.  Hand the Krispie Kremes over to me, and I will gladly remove that temptation for you.  But for God’s sake, don’t make the rest of us listen to your sniveling that the eggs in a slice of chocolate meringue will ruin your dreams to become America’s Next Top Model.  Instead of bemoaning the pie, invest in a blog and a mirror, and do what all the respectable people do.. do your bitching online.

 

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Telling.

By on January 19, 2007 in Uncategorized

You know it’s been FRICKIN cold in Huntsville when I wake up to feed the dogs, go outside, and think, “Man, I don’t even need to wear a coat today.”  Then you drive to work and see that the temperature outside is 34 degrees.  And no, you did not wear a coat.

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