You know your diet sucks when you start salivating over a CitraCal Lemon Chewable like it was freakin’ Godiva.

I remember when I interviewed for this job, I was asked what a daily frustration of mine was and how I handled it.  Without hesitating, I answered, “User Error.  Every single day.  And I handle it through a punching bag at my local gym.”

Luckily, they laughed.  They did not know I wasn’t kidding.

The printer’s broken?  Try turning it on.  The meeting notice didn’t show on your calendar?  You have to Accept it first.  Your phone is out?  It’s unplugged.  Your pager is dead?  New batteries, chief.  You want the latest Treo phone with all the accessories?  Lemme MapQuest you to the nearest dealer, cause you ain’t getting one through me.

User Error accounts for 80% of my gray hair.  Because I cannot fathom how people make it through life like that.  I cannot sleep at night sometimes, because I lie awake wondering how people can make more money than I do, and then become incompetent when there’s a paper jam. 

User Error is not just a local phenomenon, either.  Sometimes, like Monday, I will call our tech support desk because I have an issue I need to troubleshoot.  8 times out of 10, I know more than the person who answers the phone.. like Monday.  I can direct them to the issue, even speak IT to them to help them resolve it, and we will inevitably still try all of the same fixes I’ve already tried.  As if my feminine, southern voice makes me somewhat stupid.

Dude, we have NASA in the south.  We build rockets here.

And I say “Dude”.  That’s clearly NOT southern.

Anyway, I’m having a User Error day.  And as I was curling my hair this morning, since my body has decided that it no longer wants curly hair, I glanced down at the warning tag on the curling iron.  It says, and I quote, “DO NOT USE ON YOUR EYELASHES.”

Who in the hell has let engineers use a curling iron?