Warm breath
of an angel
awake next to me..
.. love, so close..
can you feel it?
what more can you want?
- “Real Life”, Tick, Tick.. BOOM!

I’m writing a CD.

It’s taking half an hour.

So I’m killing time.

I was going to leave early today.  Kind of like yesterday.  In fact, I pretty much coax myself to go to work EVERY MORNING by saying, “C’mon, Sarah.. you can do it.. AND YOU CAN LEAVE EARLY TODAY.”

However, today being a prime example, it never happens.

So I’m killing time.

I remember being a kid during the summer.  Hell, I remember being 22 and a temp during the summer.  I would take days off left and right, sometimes just quitting my job entirely, so that I could go lay by the pool.  Or hang out on the mountain.  I would go and contemplate life.  I would write.  I would get sunburned, and then peel.  Summer was very much a time for play.

Now I sit in a gray cube.  There are windows down the hall.  And I write on a computer instead of a velvety, spiral bound notebook.  I only contemplate life by half-hours, and everything is scheduled.  Nothing is at all spontaneous anymore.  There is no surprise, there is no longing, there is not anything resembling my younger self.

It’s a good thing in one aspect.  That aspect being steady employment.  I’m proud of my job and what I do here.

But there are times when I really feel like a sell-out.  I’ve given into The Man.  I have become that sucky, automaton robotic cube monkey that I laughed at in “Office Space”.  Every time I sit in training for some new process (a la cover sheets for the TPS reports), I feel just a bit more worn down.

It’s not overwhelming and I’m not burned out.  But I do sometimes worry about how I’ll be in five years.

CD’s done.

“There’s always a woman
Who causes confusion.
There’s nothing as low as a woman.
We must lunch.”
 - “It’s Always a Woman”, Stephen Sondheim’s Anyone Can Whistle

It’s always a study of psychology when women gather together.  Especially when it’s somewhere that you don’t necessarily get to choose your companions, like a work function.  There’s never a complete and total comfort, which surprises me.  In my line of work, I’m often the only gal in a room full of men, so it’s not hard to relax.  But somehow, for some stupid reason, when there’s more than one woman in the room, you feel territorial. 

Okay, I don’t.  Mostly because I just don’t care.  But I love watching it happen to others.

Does that make me sadistic?  Probably.

Just a random thought.

Today is Kari’s last day in my office.  This makes me very sad.  Kari is often the reason I am content to work here; we both have VERY similar backgrounds, we think the same way, and we both love food.  This means we’re almost soul mates.  I know that, when I throw some ridiculous temper tantrum or run into a wall, I can share these things with her and she will COMPLETELY sympathize.  That’s nice.  She’s also the wisest person I know in all things NASA and Disney.  It’s nice to have smart people around. 

She is going off to start a new career in procurement.  I couldn’t be any happier for her, because I remember how much just GLOWED after the interview.  She came back on cloud 9, and I just KNEW she had nailed the interview.  It’s like the audition that you leave, wishing you could’ve stayed longer.  When you leave on your toes.  I knew she had the job.

She is going to be rich one day, and then I will help her fund her idea for tours downtown.

I am now down to a gravelly voice.  I doubt rehearsal will be entirely productive for me tonight.  I wish I could skip it and sleep.  But.. the show must go on! (A guy I work with said, “How will I know which bird is you?  Aren’t there, like, 12 birds?”  I smiled and in TOTAL Mayzie fashion said, “Oh, honey.. YOU’LL KNOW.  I’m the baaaad bird.”)

I’m wearing fake hair today.  I love fake hair.  My favorite part is people complimenting me on how good my hair looks pulled back, and I’ll readily admit: “It’s not mine.”  Then I share the wealth.

I haven’t been sick by myself in a LOOONG time.  I don’t remember it sucking this bad.

“I had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged.”
- “I Was Hoping”, Alanis Morrisette

Back when I first began blogging, some two odd years ago, I used to begin my entries with a quote or a song lyric that had stuck with me that day.  I was driving in this morning and listening to Alanis and realizing how much I miss poetry and well-written lyrics.  So I think I’m going to start that again.

My fever broke last night, so I’m feeling like a good 65% normal.  Which is better than yesterday.  Thanks for asking.

Last night was a bust.  I so want to have the house perfect and unpacked by the time Bryan comes home, but as time gets away from me, I wonder how feasible that truly is.  Last night was supposed to be about my friends.  But, no.. as I should’ve expected, I am not allowed to have a life outside of “Seussical”.  That’s not a complaint; I understand what it takes to put a quality show together.  However.. it did suck.

There was some comforting familiarity to it, though.  As I was waiting for a dress to be ripped apart for me, I began ironing seams.  Scent memories are always the strongest for me, and the smell of AAA at night combined with ironing satin just took me back.  I felt 14 again.  And, although standing still for hours sucks, it’s always very cool at the end of the night to see the dress that’s been built for you. 

Make no mistake, folks.. I will be wearing a dress that’s difficult to live up to.  But COMPLETELY worth the ticket price.

So far, in the move, I’ve lost:

• my cell phone charger
• my Shel Shorts scripts
• socks

I’m going to try and remedy all of those today.  I actually dreamed about my cell phone charger, where I opened some drawer and magically, my charger was there.. but that’s not what happened when I woke up.  And my scripts?  NO idea.  None.  I’m such a bad actress.  It’s right up there with our first read-thru for “The Women”, where I had to say in front of my entire cast, “I’m sorry.. my dogs ate my script.” (And it was true, which made for a much better story.)

There will be more later.  But there’s not a whole bunch right now.