it had been a low-key evening.

he was impressed that everyone knew me at the theatre when i picked him up. i jokingly said, after “a huntsville actress” had called to him, “everyone knows you, too, kid.”

he said, “like you?”

i smiled. “yeah, like me.”

he nodded. “it’s cause we have freckles,” he said, confidently enough to convince me.

later, as we were winding down, we sat on our opposite ends of the couch, and he had his feet stretched to me. i couldn’t help it, and i reached out and tickled them. he giggled, and started rubbing his feet together.

“you do that, too?” i asked, partly amazed. “i do that, when i’m trying to fall asleep.”

“yep,” he said, grinning. “i do that.”

we looked at eachother.

“can i come sit with you?” he asked.

he crawled up into my lap, our legs spread out in front of us.

he nodded off, with his head on my shoulder, while i was playing with his hair.

and for the first time, perhaps EVER, i thought, “i can TOTALLY do this.”

So I was making a statement today.

Yesterday, the Red Cross was here for their blood drive, and they were giving away baseball caps instead of t-shirts.  Nice ones, too.  I remarked that Kari should totally wear hers (cause you know I don’t give away my blood) tomorrow, and she said that the last time she wore a baseball cap, EVERY man had to walk by and mention how “casually” she was dressed.  This annoyed me because we work with engineers who can barely operate velcro adequately, and they often wear baseball caps without anyone remarking on it.

So I wore one today.

I was already feeling a bit vulnerable cause, you know, my hair was all up in a baseball cap.  And as I was driving this morning, and listening to my usual easy-listening (actually called Hot A/C in radio terms) station, they announce, “Well, if you know the local band HeartLand, they’ve just signed a large contract up in Nashville.  Now, they’re a country band, folks, but we have this song for Father’s Day that will just tug at your heartstrings.. it’s called I Loved Her First.”

“Heh,” I snorted.  “Try and tug at my heartstrings all you want there, buddy.”  Cause I am a cold-hearted snake, you know.

I’ve heard HeartLand before.  In fact, that New Year’s Eve I spent with Bald Paul up at Sammy T’s, they were the band.  Eh.  I was not impressed enough to expect mind-blowing things from this single.

Here are the lyrics:

Artist: HEARTLAND
Song Name: I LOVED HER FIRST

Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each others face
So much in love your alone in this place
Like there’s nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one
She told me so
and she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything
Life must go on
and I’m not gonna stand in your wayChorus:
But I Loved her first and I held her first
and a place in my heart I’ll always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
and I prayed that she’d find you someday
but it still hard to give her away
I loved her first

Needless to say, I was a blubbering mess by the time I parked in the parking lot.