Countdown till THE CHAIR:

under 15 minutes.  And counting.

My God, what a fantastic morning for sleeping in.  The bite in the air made “in the bed” that much warmer, and crawling back in after my shower was amazing.  Bryan snuggled in and we just slept for another fifteen minutes before he had to get up, and then I kept on sleeping till after he had left for work.  It was just something for the books.  The breeze of the morning air, the warmth of a night’s sleep held in our sateen sheets, the..

.. oh, shit.  I have a dentist appointment today.

And then, of course, the fear set in.

See, I have this overwhelming, paralyzing, completely irrational fear of dentists.  It comes from wearing “an appliance” when I was younger and having people stick their hands halfway down my throat.  I suddenly, when having an instrument of any dental nature in any vacinity near my mouth, develop a surely record-breaking gag reflex that never seems to surface in any.. other.. endeavors.  I don’t know why.  But it does.

It probably does not help that one of the first musicals I latched on to as a small child was “Little Shop of Horrors.”  Now, I have this one picture of a “dentist” in my head: Steve Martin as a sadistic bastard Elvis wannabe in black leather pants, hoggishly snorting up all of the gas while his patients writhe in pain without any numbness from the drill.  I mean, hell, he was handsome.. but that’s how I see things now.

So, to avoid that gagging and uncomfort and fear, I’ve just been avoiding the dentist.  For, oh, you know.. around ten years.  Now before you go judging me as some backwoods woman who is missing teeth and that just means less to brush.. I do take care of my teeth.  I mean, in some ways, I take better care of my teeth than your average dentist-goer.. because I have to make “between visits” last longer.

But my mouth and I have reached an impass.  Simply put, I have too much wisdom in my head, so some of the teeth must be removed.  I’ve put this off as long as I can, but now the shifting of my lower jaw line is causing severe discomfort.  It’s time.  And I’m TERRIFIED.  The dry sockets, the pain, the recovery, the fact that it could conceivably change my voice.. blech.  Don’t wanna.  But, I think I have to.

Today is my first cleaning since before I left for college.  I’m going to do my damn best to be an adult about it.  I’m going to ask for some gas, to take the edge off, and then I’m going to think happy thoughts.  My wedding.  The call from The Boy to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day.  Money.  And then, I’m going to beg him to take all of the teeth that he can right then and there.  Don’t make me come back, please.  Just do it now.

He’ll say no.  And I’ll cry.  Then he’ll give me more gas.

I’ll tell him that I have a three week window where I can have mouth surgery.  But after that, I’m unavailable until August (maybe mid-September now..?).  And then I get married in October.  SO NOW IS WHEN IT SHALL BE DONE.

So.  Who has recommendations for local oral surgeons?

And wish me luck.  Gag.