Archive | March, 2006


You know what I miss?

My fiance.

I miss him.

It’s just been one of those weeks where we only see eachother for a brief period in the morning, as we get ready for work.  Sure, that’s great in some respects.. my diet is SO much easier when it’s just me I have to feed.. but on the whole, I just miss him.  Between him and The Boy gone.. the house is just so quiet.

There’s so much stuff on the horizon.  I wake up every day and begin thinking (again) about where our lives move in the next few months.. buying a new house (hopefully).. getting a better car (maybe).. choosing a FANTASTIC caterer (DEFINITELY).. and, ohmygoodlord, The Boy graduates from kindergarden in not too long.

It just blows my mind to look at life as it will be in November.  The BitterHouse will have gone through massive changes.. a new baby, a new stepson, a new marriage.  Ra will be celebrating Scout’s nine month anniversary with us.  Steph will have a master’s degree.

(My hair will be long and I’ll be a size 6.  Shut up; it’s my imagination.  Maybe I’ll also have perfect teeth.)

But now.. right now.. I just miss my fiance.

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Catching Flies

My back is KILLING me.

I’ve never watched something on stage before that literally HURT to watch.. until last night.  And I only stayed 45 minutes.  And my back is STILL killing me.  I even felt the warning signs and stretched when I got home.  I laid backwards over my exercise ball, I pulled my knees into my chest, I did everything I knew to do to prevent the back pain I’m in today.

So here’s my quandry: why do people not realize that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?

I went and watched the dress rehearsal of a dance recital last night.  And was appalled.  There were many and sundry reasons I was appalled, but mainly, it was the attitude of the dancers that I abhored the most. 

First and foremost.. it was their dress rehearsal.  They had an audience, a presumably paying audience (God love them), the next night.  And yet, they marked their numbers.  If they even went that far.  I saw no dancer ever put forth much more effort than to walk their routine.  Most of them didn’t even do that conscientiously.  They laughed on stage, cut up on stage, basically.. it was like a freakin slumber party down there. 

The reason I was there?  Because the Tek Cru was there, so I went to support them.  I had heard the bitching and moaning for the past two days about how horrid the experience was, and I simply didn’t believe them.  Wooooo, was I wrong.

So while cutting up on stage, the music would play.  And the lighting designer would make a guess as to what dance MIGHT possibly be happening.  And then, when the music stopped, they’d look up at the sound board and say, “We’d like to run it again.”

Cue Sarah exploding in the booth.  WHY?!  Why in God’s name do you want to steal another three minutes of our lives so you can NOT dance?!

And the stage manager would say, “Okay.  We’ll run it again if you dance.”

Because.. let’s face it.. that’s what EVERYONE was there for.  Or so I thought.  Apparently, they let us know fairly quickly, the Tek Cru was the only people there for an actual dress rehearsal.

“You don’t give the musicals lip like that!” and “How dare you speak to us like that?” and “Oh, I know you didn’t” and “I know the theatre department gets whatever they want” and “Some little stage monkey telling us how to act”..

And their director?  Sitting idly by.  Letting this happen.  In fact, encouraging it with her silence.

Here’s what I guess they missed in theatre etiquette.

When you’re in the privacy of your own classroom, your own rehearsal space, your own home.. how you choose to run rehearsals is your own affair.  It only affects you and yours.  But when you hit stage, you take up SO many more people’s time.  So you need to have your shit together.  Don’t laugh, don’t cut up, and don’t come on stage to choreograph your damn recital. 

Yes, the musical gets more time on stage.  Why?  Because they have a finished product when they hit stage.  Sure, they may have to reblock a little due to set constraints.. but you’re a dance recital.  You have a flat stage.  And, might I add, it’s the same size as your room.

Also, if ANY actor in ANY musical or play EVER spoke to a stage manager, lighting designer, or even just the flyrail guy on Tek Cru in such a fashion, they would have their ass chewed.  We learned to say “Thank you”, no matter what.  Jesus.. where has all the respect gone?

I guess it comes down to pride.  Sure, those guys have put up with a few nights of hell from ungrateful dancers, but they’ll be rewarded with a couple of hours of complete and utter torture tonight for those same dancers.. when they realize that an audience is judging them.  They weren’t proud enough to work; they’ll have any pride left stripped of them when they hit stage.

Catching flies with honey.  Look into it.

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Very nice stapler

You know, y’all haven’t heard me rant in a while.

I’ve been fairly mundane.  Hell, it’s been borderline boring.  I actually let loose on one rant, felt it too vitrolic, and retracted it.. all within a half hour timespan.  But I’ve got a little rant here.


I don’t talk about my job on here.  I’m very careful about that.  But there’s been this overwhelming gnawing feeling at me lately.. so, that.. that, I have to talk about.

I think I’m more than competent at my job.  I’d be willing to say I’m “damn good” at my job.  But, you know, I just don’t know that THIS is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life.

This is what’s safe.  This pays the bills (somewhat).  And this is secure (a little bit).

But I studied communications.  I worked in media and public relations.  I THRIVED THERE.  And here I am, living in “Office Space”.  I know I’m supposed to swallow it as part of “being a grown up”, but I want to quit my job and go follow my dreams of becoming an on-air newsanchor.  I want to anchor the 10 o’clock news.  I want to be something.

I think what REALLY spawned this is money.  If I were getting paid a significant amount of change, I could deal with a cube-world.  But I’m not.  I’m getting paid the market average of an applicant with no college degree. (FYI, kids fixing to graduate high school.. GO TO COLLEGE.  GET A DEGREE.  I know people will tell you “Look how well I’m doing and I have no degree!” but that’s crap.  You could buy and sell that person if you had a degree.)

I want to be around people.  I want each day to have a new challenge.  I want to be needed and valued for what I do.  I want.. I want that job that pays shit but I love.  I want to quit the job that puts me in a different tax bracket so I can follow my heart and work for the city.

Instead, I’ll just be at my desk tomorrow. 

But if you read this and you reach a crossroads, choose the OTHER way.  And think of me.

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“But I don’t want to be a Bridezilla!”

“You’d have to start acting like a bride to be a starting Bridezilla.”

She was right.  She had asked how my planning was going.  I said, “Great.  We open Perky’s in a month.”  She said, no, the wedding.  And I realized.. I am the worst bride ever.

I have found a man that I love.  I love him enough to stand in front of my close friends and family and say, “I choose you.”  That’s pretty damn big, especially for moi.. the perpetual bachelorette.

But there’s this whole wedding thing that you have to do along side it.  And I find it pretty daunting.

Baby steps.  I just have to do baby steps.

I called EarlyWorks yesterday to inquire about the Grand Hall’s availability.  I was expecting them to say it was booked, so I could go back to the safety of the drawing board.  But, no.. it was available.  So if you call now and ask, they’ll say, “Sorry.  There’s a wedding booked on that day.”

(Which, really, is kind of exciting.)

Steph asked me about my shower today.  The WildeChicks are throwing the lingerie party, and Delle and fam are doing the traditional shower.  I can’t wait for both.. but I have to, like, tell them when to have it.  And tell them who to invite.  I’m not there yet.

(Although, admittedly, I can’t wait to be there.)

There’s a bridal show in Atlanta.. a hoity-toity show that I’m sure includes some KILLER swag.. and I think Bryan and I should go and make a weekend of it.  (“We should go.. meet the whalesharks.”) Delle’s gonna hook me up with a potential caterer when she gets home.  And the girls are all looking at bridesmaids dresses.


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I’m still here.

This weekend was amazing.

Steph asked me why, and I really had no answer.  Everything was just.. amazing. 

Friday night was fantastic.  It was just Bryan and I.  We laughed a lot, we had GREAT food at Carrabbas.. I always love leaving a restaurant, completely stuffed, and with less than a $25 tab.  AND I had a drink.

We spent some time in the mall, just walking around.. and then we went to Brewster’s.  Sure enough.. they had the Birthday Cake ice cream.  Well, frankly.. we were worried they wouldn’t have it again any time soon, so we both got two scoops and ate ourselves silly.  We had a great time.

Saturday morning, the sun got me up.  I did a little CoreSecrets, then we got ready for our day.  To be honest.. the house felt empty without The Boy.  And FAR too quiet.  Even the animals felt it.  It was just an absence of life, of craziness.. I’ll say it: I missed him.

Bryan ran off to baseball practice, and I went to Renaissance for work on Perky’s.  It’s an EXTREME compliment to me that Bob asked for my help on Perky’s.. that he trusts me enough to hand over parts of his script, what HE wrote, and lets me tweak it.  We worked for about an hour and a half, then I ran to do some grocery shopping.

Bryan came home.. and I honestly don’t remember what we did for the rest of the day.  I’m pretty sure it involved a nap at some point.. and he cooked dinner.. but I have no clue.

Sunday, the sun FINALLY came out.  We took that opportunity and spent an hour laying on the back deck, longing for actual furniture to sit on.  ALL of the animals came and laid out with us.  Then I remembered that Mom and Dad had some extra furniture that they wanted to get rid of.. so we drove out to Madison and scoured the hell out of that furniture. (It was NAAAAASTY.) Daddy came out and helped us, and we all hauled it back to our house.

Once we got it all assembled, Daddy took us out to dinner.

We walked around a bit after dinner, then went home and watched tv.

Why was this weekend amazing?  Because everyone I love is happy and healthy and smiling and laughing.  And I got to spend time this weekend with them.. and that made me smile, and laugh.. which can only be healthy. 

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