So, I’ve never been an extremely wealthy kind of gal.

I’ve never driven a “nice” car, I’ve never worn designer clothes, and I’ve never lived in a “fancy” house.  I used to give in to frivolities that I don’t any longer.. I used to get my nails done, but it’s been two years now since I’ve had even a manicure.  I used to go to a “stylist” for my hair and dye job, but now I’m red-straight-out-of-a-box and I head to MasterCuts and pray that my head looks semi-normal when I leave.  I used to put the medium grade gas in the ’stang, but now it’s just plain ole low-grade.

Yes, there are some things that I spend on.. I will put down some money for a nice meal.  I will pay a higher rent for a house with wood floors, a fireplace, and a doggie-door that leads to a huge, fenced backyard.  I like PartyLite candles.

But when you are trying to plan a wedding, you realize just how little money you have.  When you initially sit down, it’s easy to want this huge elaborate shindig that your friends and family will long for years down the road.  You envision family reunions centering around, “You remember at Sarah’s wedding, when..?”  You find a dress that makes your heart stop, you find bridesmaids’ dresses that make you so excited to share with your friends, and you set a menu that makes your mouth water as you read the words.

And then you look at prices.

So you bargain down the dress. (You only wear it once, anyway.) And you slim down the guest list. (You haven’t seen half of those people in years.) And you rethink your menu. (How many people actually eat at weddings?) And you start to realize that maybe you should focus on what’s important.

What’s become extremely frustrating though, and I’m sure every bride deals with it.. are the massive amounts of OPINIONS that you have to take into consideration.  Oh, you may THINK this wedding is for you — the bride — but you would be mistaken.  It’s for your family.  It’s for your friends.  It’s for that coworker that you honestly can’t even remember the name of, but for some reason felt the need to share their opinion on weddings.

And what’s all of this bullshit I’ve heard about planning a wedding being fun?  What crack was that bride smoking?  Trying on wedding dresses.. not so much fun.  Picking out tuxes.. not so much fun.  And that’s as far as I’ve gotten.

And the guilt trips!  Have I mentioned the guilt trips?  They are EVERYWHERE!  God forbid you make any decisions on your own.. SOMEONE is just waiting in the wings to rake you over the coals about not consulting with them.  Even if it’s not set in stone, or if you were just trying to get an idea.. HOW DARE YOU THINK FOR YOURSELF?  WHY WERE YOU NOT THINKING ABOUT (insert someone here)’S FEELINGS?

It’s too late for me, but if you’re reading this and thinking about getting married.. save yourself.  See this agony and pain and utter frustration in my face, and flee.  Run.  Gallop, far far away.  Perhaps toward Vegas.. where it’s just as easy as driving thru.

Super Sized Weddings, by Sarah Brown.  A STRONG possibility.

Small edit: due to popular demand, I’ve added a PayPal button on the left sidebar.  By no means feel obligated, but I know some people would rather give money to the cause than buy us some unnecessary junk that we don’t have room for.  All donations are kept private, and you will have infinite blessings and karma flowing your way.