masthead
Piracy Abounds
September 19, 2005
Category: The Unexplainable | No Comments »
So I posted it on my board in my cube that it’s National Talk Like A Pirate Day.  And everyone is celebrating.

Everyone was having a really good time of it, when Boss comes over, smiling.  He wants to play.  Now, Boss hasn’t been in a very good mood as of late, and everything seems to get under his skin (especially my teasing with him), so I’ve been hesitant to play.  But he had that look in his eye.  I braced myself.

"Squaa-a-a-a-w-k," he said.  I didn’t move.  He whistled, imitating some sort of bird.  I smiled, but it was awkward.

"Um.. I don’t get it," I said, finally admitting defeat.

He tried again.  "Polly wanna cracker?" he said, in a high-pitched squeak.

"Boss.. I don’t know what’s happening here.."

He looked defeated.  "Someone told me it was Talk Like a Parrot Day."

And it was the biggest laugh I’ve had all weekend.
2:13 pm
Be forewarned..
September 19, 2005
Category: The Unexplainable | No Comments »
So I know I’ve written a couple of posts now that were vague and lofty and everything, for those of you who hate the inner workings of my life.  So I’m warning you now, this one’s a bit deeper, so if you’re one of
those people, stop reading now.

25 sucks.  I mean, SUCKS.

25 has brought so much confusion and anticipation and disappointment and longing and loss.. that 26 has got to be better.  I remembered reading all of those articles when Delle hit 25 about "quarter-lifer crisises", where people hit 25 and just lost their minds.  I was a mere 24 then.. ah, youth.. and I remember thinking, "Why in the hell are these people going insane?  It’s just an
age.  It’s not a definition."

And I was partially right: it’s not a definition.  It is a DEADLINE.

On Friday night, after the first show closed, I was DEVASTATED when Bryan wanted to go home and sit on the couch.  It was nothing he did, but I sat there, in my fancy little outfit, and thought, "Why am I not out?  Why am I not at Humphrey’s?  Applebees?  Waffle House?  When did I get so old?"

Then I realized, "Oh, right.. I’m not old.  I’m poor."

Now, the 24 year old would’ve said, "Well, I can charm some man into paying for me."

The 25 year old in me said, "No, we don’t do that anymore."

So I was in bed.  By eleven.  All of me.

I was so proud, all weekend, to be "Comer’s Girlfriend".  I loved that the kids all know me, that they ask me what I thought of the show (and actually listened when I answered), and I loved watching what he put together.  I was so proud of him.  So proud.

And then it hit me.  This insane and overwhelming jealousy of what he had.  And what he had to look forward to.

It was not rational.  I know that.  But it was there.  And it was LOUD.

It’s been there for a few weeks.  Being up there the little bit I was last week helped.  But it did not silence it.

And this weekend, it was gnawing away at my brain.

There are these lyrics in my favorite show, "The Last 5 Years", that kept ringing in my head.  The show chronicles the relationship of Kathy and Jamie.. Kathy is an actress, and Jamie a writer.  They are both passionate about what they do.  Jamie, however, gets a huge book deal while Kathy stalls in auditions, never even getting a callback.  Jamie cites her dissatisfaction with her own career and contempt for his success at the main reason they divorce. (He neglects, however, to mention that he was unfaithful during the marriage… and they always neglect to mention that.)  She sings, after another failed audition:

I will not be the girl stuck at home in the ‘burbs
With the baby, the dog, and the garden of herbs
I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes
Pushing burgers and beer nuts and missing the clues
I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels

To be trotting along at the genius’s heels
I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by

And I feel that.  And I HATE that.

So I need to fix that.  I need to find something new, a new passion to really drive myself towards.  Because I feel so incomplete, feeling this way.  And I know he feels it too.  And I hate this.

That’s all.
11:35 am
Cause I wanna be like E
September 19, 2005
Category: The Unexplainable | No Comments »

4 Things To Do Before I Die
1. Have breakfast in the French Quarter with my beloved (I’m holding that one.. and holding Bush to his promise that it will happen.)
2. Hold a newborn baby within hours of him/her arriving

3. Buy a car that I want
4. Spend time in Tuscany

4 Things I’ve Already Crossed Off The List
1. Taken the final bow
2. Had a spontaneous slow dance
3. Had a kiss in the rain
4. Gotten past an emotional abuse

4 Things I’m Good At
1. Making people laugh
2. Writing
3. Cleaning
4. I got nuthin’.  Hell, "cleaning" was my third.

4 Things That Need Improvement
1. My mouth/tongue/temper
2. My ego (or lately, lack thereof)
3. Sticking to a schedule for working out
4. I only get four slots?  Really? 

4 Things I Cannot Do
1. Fight for myself
2. Bite my tongue
3. Touch my tongue to my nose (most of my family can)
4. Understand others’ choices

4 Things I Say A Lot
1. TOTALLY
2. Clearly
3. Olive juice.
4. No, I haven’t gotten in your fucking mousepads.

4 Things I Loathe
1. The Supplies Nazi
2. Rumors
3. Insincerity
4. Dishonesty

4 Things That Make Me Cranky
1. "Did you hear what so-and-so said/wrote/did?"
2. A heel/sole/piece of any shoe, lying in the yard
3. "I’m gonna need to work on the set."
4. People who expect me to stand by them, but only when it’s convenient for them.

4 Things That Feed My Soul
1. a room full of children giggling (I left this from E’s, because it’s true.)
2. WildeChick time (which, in my blue period, I have deprived myself of)
3. Having a GREAT audition

4. Music that gives you goosebumps

4 Things that Make Me Laugh
1. My animals
2. My chicas
3. My Bitter Twin
4. Keboobalah

4 People Who Enrich My Life
1. My sister.  Hands down.

2. Delle.
3. Viv and Debbie.
4. This odd and irreplacable online community that feels like family.

4 People Who Inspire Me
1. Again, my sister — she took a huge leap to move across country and is making it happen.
2. Caroline.  I barely know her, yes, but I just feel oddly inspired by her.
3. My many and varied Ya Yas, who all have amazing strength and support.

4. Boss, who always manages to laugh, no matter how amazingly stressed out he gets.

4 Reasons I’d Marry Bryan
1. He will take care of dead fish so I don’t have to.
2. His hands feel really good on my bare back.
3. He is an AMAZING father.
4. I enjoy US as a couple – I think we’re fun together. (I left this.  Cause I agree.)

4 Quotes I Love
1. "Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." - Timothy Leary
2. "When you have come to the end of the light, and there is only darkness before you, faith is knowing one of two things about the next step you take: either there will be something solid to support you, or you will be anointed to fly." - Anonymous

3. When asked if she would rather be beautiful or funny: "Funny.  Gorgeous is just too damn hard." - Gilda Radner
4. "Living well is the best revenge." - Stephanie (Okay, so not Stephanie, but she said it to me last week.)

9:58 am
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