masthead
Sunset at big spring park
August 30, 2005
Category: The Unexplainable | No Comments »

i came here tonight because the wind was stirring, and i love the feeling of an approaching storm. it’s the italian in me, i think. it’s the desire of invincibility, like i can face and survive any storm. tonight is no exception. i’m sitting on my steps, watching the sun slip from the sky into the water, and noticing that they have installed a tree on top of that new parking garage. it just looks strange. i’m not a fan of the new developments on big spring park. i guess it’s change. i may have a problem with change. i think i’m tired of it.

today, i threw a bit of a temper tantrum. i’m not embarrassed, though, and i won’t take it back because it came from a valid place. change is part of my daily life now, and it’s change i’m not really prepared to deal with. everytime i talk to delle, she asks me what my answer will be when that ring resurfaces. i shrug her off every time, as if we both don’t know the answer, and reliably, she tells me everytime that i need to REALLY know what i’m answering. it’s not just a ‘yes.’ there’s a whole lot of questions that won’t even be asked for me to answer.. everything has to be compiled in that one answer.

25 scares me for that. part of me expected to be married with kids by this point. the other part of me never planned on walking the aisle. what really sucks is that i always viewed marriage as a formality. if you found the person you didn’t feel like you HAD to marry, then that’s the right one. but there are so many obstacles WITHOUT marriage.. and in so many ways, marriage would make life easier.

i just wrote three paragraphs on marriage. who am i?

and today, i had to be told that children are a part of daily life when you’re a parent (be it step or otherwise). someone had to TELL me that. where are my instructions? did my manual get lost in the mail?

i guess i’m just approaching something that’s unknown. and it’s been a LONG time since i’ve had darkness before me. what’s funny is that bryan has a hell of a road ahead of him as far as “asking permissions”.. delle, my sister.. not to mention my father. but all of those people believe in me. in us.

maybe it’s time i did, too.

6:46 pm
Christmas Past
August 30, 2005
Category: The Unexplainable | No Comments »
Fred Griswold makes me laugh.

I started out on Tee’s site, where he mentioned a tribute penned by none other than The Great John Robinson concerning the passing of another great, Fred Griswold.  So I went in search of
that memoir.

Fred was a large part of my growing up in theatre.  If you read John’s post, he talks about Christmas Carol, and Fred being the original (and most fantastic, in my book) Scrooge.  He also talks about Fred’s humor.  I was part of the second year of CC, just a mere Christmas Present Attendent next to Sharon’s awesomeness, and I remember Fred telling me something that I’ve ALWAYS remembered. 

We were in rehearsal one day, and it was just d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g on.  I was miserable.  My part was composed of one scene and one scene only, but it felt like we had been doing it for hours.  And that director’s voice was grating on my nerves: "YOU GIRLS WERE CHOSEN BECAUSE YOU CAN SING.. SO SING!!" (If I only realized how often Viv’s voice would be part of my landscape..) and I was hungry and we were in that OLLLLD Fantasy building (the one by the library that was falling apart and, I think, has been condemned) and I was getting antsy and whiny and was just generally being the eleven year-old that I’m unkind to now, when Fred leaned down to me and whispered, "It’s not your show, honey.  When they see what they want to see, we’ll go.  You have to HELP them see what they want to see.. see?"

And when Fred told you something, you listened.  You listened with your ears, naturally, but with your olefacotry senses too, as Fred always smelled of spices and pipe tobacco.  He also had an electricity to him that made your spine listen.  He was such a character.  Such a character.

Fred and I worked together oodles after that.  But I’ll never forget him for that one comment.  It’s become a life’s mantra.. you have to help people see what they’re looking to see.

Also, the following comments on John’s post regarding the Green Dragon had me in tears.  Those urchins were my classmates growing up: the Adam Brownings, the Jameel Lewises, the Jonathan McDaniels.. they were the ones who taught me humor.

So.. it’s time again for Christmas Carol.  And remembering Fred just brought back my Christmas Spirit.
10:51 am
B-O-R-E-D
August 30, 2005
Category: The Unexplainable | No Comments »
NONE of my managers are in today.  With the exception of Boss, who was thoroughly agitated that no one else showed up for work.  I would like to state for the record, I pointed out repeatedly, that I am here.  Work can continue.  Sarah is here.

Speaking of stoppage of work, Christopher came by first thing when I got back to my desk.  He had, in his hand, the laptop that they were supposed to be installing at his desk.  Keep in mind, this laptop HAD belonged to someone else, and had been cable-locked down to that person’s desktop until IT would show up to move and reinstall it.  And he had it in his hand.  "Christopher," I said, BARELY keeping my tone even, "Pray tell, WHY do you have that laptop in your hand?"  He said he was going to move it.  "But it was locked down
for a reason," I say, through clenched teeth.  Now, anyone with brain one would catch on that they’ve done something wrong at this point, but oh-no-not-Christopher.

"But I got the cable lock off!" he says, proudly.  "Now I can just plug it in at my station."

Cue Hurricane Sarah.

Half of our servers are down, so there is very little point to being here today.  I wonder how long Sarah can make it.  It’s very tempting to leave early and go home and nap.  It’s good napping weather.  And although we fared well in the storm, we did not get a lot of sleep last night.

Funny quote from last night: "Next time that dog runs away, don’t bother calling his name.  Just start making really good sex noises.  You won’t be able to keep him away."
9:34 am
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