Why Caller ID is too much fun, by Sarah Brown

(italics are used to distinguish phone dialogue)

Boss calls.

Me: Boeing, Boss’s office, the most wonderful guy in the world and possibly the universe.  This is Sarah, how may I brighten your day?

Boss: .. uh.. Sarah?  Do you ALWAYS answer my phone like that?

Me: Yep.  Every single time.

Boss: Nuh uh.  I don’t believe you.

Me:  Sure do.  ‘Tis true.

Boss calls back.

Me: Boss’s office; what in the hell do you want?

Boss: Better.

Why You Should Not Call Sarah When You Think You Have a Computer Problem, by Sarah Brown

Engineer: Sarah, my computer is acting funny.

Me: Noooo.  Really?  I wonder why..

E: I don’t know.

Me: Well, what have you done to it?

E: Me?  I don’t think I’ve done anything..

Me: Well, OBVIOUSLY, you have.  Let me ask you, and this will stay between us.. have you been looking at porn at work?

E: WHAT?  Well.. I.. see.. sometimes, stuff might pop-up, but..

Me: Yep.  That’s what it is.  The company tracks stuff like that.  I’m sure that’s what’s wrong with your computer.  They have a certain team that’s assigned to come clean up your computer and, you know, discuss the issue..

E: Ohmygod, I’m going to lose my job..

Me: No, you idiot.  There’s a virus.  Geez.  Everyone’s computer is down.. PERVE.

MASS CHAOS!  The worm has spread through the company!  WORK CANNOT GO ON AS PLANNED!

But ::whew:: the blog was untouched.  Thank God.

It is a mess around here.  Half of my floor is down and unusable and IT has no idea where to start.  It’s good times.  There’s a party-like atmosphere among the youngins, and the elders are fearing this is the Apocolypse.  Again, good times.  Elders crack me up.  They use instances of today as to why “technology is getting away from us,” as if some Microsoft supercomputer calculated this virus in an attempt to further the hold of artificial intelligence.  Like, somewhere, HAL is laughing at us.

I’m dying for something to sink my teeth into.  A good book, a production that I firmly believe in, anything.  Not having a creative outlet makes me restless.  Hence, THE BLOG. ::cue scary music:: I know we’re supposed to be reading “Beloved”, but I’m not in that mindset yet.  I want something racy and provocative.  I keep passing “My Sister’s Keeper”, which beckons to me at the bookstores, but I have yet to purchase.  That looks really good to me.

So it really sucks when you throw out there, “Hey, whatcha doin’ Labor Day weekend?” and he says, “Yeah, I’ve got plans all that weekend” and you’re like, “oh.. okay” because you know his plans are family-related (as in, the spawn type) and you CAN’T argue with those but you’re still kinda upset because you wanna say “.. cause it’s my birthday that weekend.”

Ah, well. 

The worm runs rampant over here.  It’s like that scene in Beetlejuice with the sandworms.