It ends at some point, right?  This exhaustion?

The exhaustion of working and mommying and derbying and snarking and everything else that comprises my whole week?  It, at some point, eases.. right?  Maybe not goes away, but maybe won’t wear me down to the point that Daylight Savings Time this weekend MAKES ME CRY IN ANGER?

I think it’s because I can actually sleep now.  I’m not just closing my eyes and stressing with my eyes closed for five or six hours a night; I’m actually sleeping and dreaming and my body is just REVELING in it.  As such, six hours a night is not enough.  It wants to SLEEP IN.  And I’m all hahahaha, bod, we haven’t slept in FOR YEARS NOW.  How do you even remember what that’s like?

Anyway, exhaustion aside, things are going well.  After being incredibly terrified for two days that I had NO idea what I’m doing and I was just MAKING EVERYTHING UP, I realized that .. um .. that’s what I’M BEING PAID TO DO.

To make stuff up.  To initiate.  To foster.  To create.   So I put my foot down, spent one long night working and sketching (my old boss used to say that she couldn’t talk without writing, so I took her advice and walked barefoot around a sketched whiteboard), and now I at least feel purposeful.  At least for this week.

I’ve had meetings, I’ve lined up meetings, and if nothing else, there is forward motion.  Which is what I need.  I feel.. better.  I still need to force my husband to help me for about an hour to get my office entirely set up, because right now, all I have is this guy to keep me company:

And while he’s cute, he’s a slacker in the picture-hanging department.

In short, I’m finding my way.  I’m still having to give myself constant pep talks that I’m NOT going to be perfect right out of the box and I’m NOT going to know the answers right away, and I need to remember that I’m working for a company that prides itself on trying things and to not fear failure, only to see it as a learning tool.

It’s just been such a long, hard road to get to a place like that.  It will take a bit to unwind.

(Although I think I will manage just fine.)

(Random shot of my baby being SUCH A BIG FREAKIN’ CHILD ALREADY)

I feel like I owe you a million posts.  It’s been a full week.

So I feel pretty confident in saying that: TODAY WILL BE A MILLION TIMES BETTER THAN LAST MONDAY.  Mainly because I’m ready to kick ass and take names this Monday.

I started a new job on Friday.  It’s a job well-suited to me, although I’m just now figuring my way around it.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been new at something, starting from scratch, but you know?  That’s what life is all about.  Gotta crawl before you can walk.  I’m saying all of these analogies to make myself feel better that I’m not crazy busy yet.

Although, yes, the whole men-in-the-jeep thing last week REALLY sucked, I would say that the HARDEST part of this last week has been learning to relax a little.  Going from a crazy-hectic job that I worked 12-14 hours a day sometimes to a new job where I’m just now finding my feet?  Leaves me feeling a little lost.  Not needing to jump online at 5 a.m. to check what fires need to be put out has me feeling a little unnecessary.  And unnecessary, in my past experience, breeds unemployment.

So I’m telling myself to relax.  To just breathe.  To calm down.  Every time I’ve started a new job, I’ve given myself two months to feel comfortable into it.  It takes that long, I figure, to learn a rhythm, to understand a team, to establish a routine.  I’m just .. it just makes me nervous.

BUT, in that same vein?  It was awesome to not have a work computer at home this weekend.  It was nice to sleep until 6:30 and then just have ME time until Bryan and Tony woke up.  It was nice to enjoy Sunday evening without the increasing dread and terror that typically overcame any activity.  It’s just.. different.  Have to learn to enjoy different for a little while.

OH, BUT ALSO: my child, this weekend?  Is suddenly an adult.  Ate a full-sized cheeseburger with both hands, while drinking from a CUP WITH A LID AND A STRAW and then RODE A FREAKIN’ CAROUSEL and ohmygod, he will be driving, like, tomorrow at this rate.

I cried when he picked up the cheeseburger.  I’m just sayin’ I MAY BE A LITTLE EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW.

HOLY SHIT.  Y’all, for real, as I was typing this, I realized that I suddenly feel unnecessary everywhere. Oh, God, with the sudden epiphany of blogging!  With my baby suddenly all self-sufficient and my new job not really fitting yet, I’m all sorts of lost and .. wow.

Enjoy the different, Sarah.  And breathe.

“You’re in the wrong line of business – move on girl! You need to use your REAL gifts and talents and act, sing, etc. I’m totally serious. Get out there and go for it and go all the way with it. I wish I had a sharp and quick sense of humor as well as the ability to act and perform. One day you may look back and think, why didn’t I do more of..?”

A typical email from a coworker.

In early March, I’m making a move to be the Sarah I want to be.

This is both terrifying and completely enthralling.

My company has been good to me through the years, providing me endless skill sets and tons of friends and great experiences and all that jazz, but with layoffs looming and budget cuts aiming for our main arteries, an opportunity presented itself that was, in essence, what I’ve always wanted to explore.

And even more, I’m already pretty good at this field.  And I know how to expand it.

And I’m psyched.

And I’m terrified.

But for now?

I’m psyched.

Life’s too short, and the chances are too few.