So.

I started a cleaning company, Obsessively Clean, which is not yet so much a company as it is me just cleaning houses .. but, in all honesty?  I’m having to taper my efforts back a bit because I’d have to hire some help to keep up with many more clients.  This week is my last “slow” week for the foreseeable future (thank Jeebus!), and hopefully then we will not be living on rice and beans any more.

(Especially since I AM DYING TO GO PRIMAL since one of my online BFFs is having massive greatness from it. Go check her out!)

Ahem.

So there are two questions I get routinely asked from my friends about my newfound career.

1. OMG, have you seen, like, disgusting stuff?
2. Have you found any cleaning tricks/products that have changed your life?

1. Yes.  OHMYGAH, yes.  But if there’s one thing that I feel very protective over, it’s my clients.  I won’t disclose the intimacies of their homes because .. it’s their homes, you know?  It’s the place that I’m hired to clean, so for that I’m truly grateful, and their secrets remain safe with me.  Truly.  And I am usually all a chatterbox.

NOW, IF THEY ARE NO LONGER MY CLIENTS, I don’t mind telling you that you might want to try cleaning your house once every three years, thank you muchly, and the only way THAT soap scum is coming off is by removing the fiberglass shower shell entirely and buying a new one.  Here’s some Scrubbing Bubbles, have a nice life.

2. YES. I totally have.  A perk of my job is that it behooves me to splurge on new cleaning products because it’s what I do.  Efficiency is the name of my game (quality is obviously top priority, but I’m an efficiency person), so I love trying out new “quick” products.  Here are some that have seriously changed the way I work.

This?  AMAZING.  It’s not a green product, so I don’t get to use it in every home, but I wish I could.  It does everything it says it does.  I literally walk through a bathroom before I get to it (I’m a systematic cleaner; there’s a process to everything. I’m LEAN+ certified, if that means anything to you), spray this on the toilet, the bathtub, and the sink.  By the time I get to the bathroom, I just have to scrub down the hard parts (it doesn’t take ALL of the work away), and wipe it clean.  And it literally? DOES EXTEND THE CLEAN.  We use it in my own home, and it makes a WORLD of difference.

Here’s what you guys have all been asking about on Twitter, and there’s new developments:

I did it.  I broke down and bought a steam mop.

We had talked about it for ages, especially when the Haan informercials started running.  We have MOSTLY hard floors (linoleum, tile, and hardwoods) in my house, so it makes all of the sense in the world.  But we had a 20% coupon to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and this was the ONLY steamer available off-the-shelf, so we spent start-up money (ha! I say that like we have any money) to buy it.

And?  AND?

Meh.

Now, I will say that it got up a LOT of gunk on our floors.  We had previously sworn by the Swiffer WetJet as our go-to for hard surface cleaning, but the engineer that I’m married to actually .. yes, he actually did this.

For the record, I DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS DOING THIS. He just couldn’t stand that it was still in a box ten minutes after we got home, so he went and did this. Which, DUDE, HE CLEANED ON HIS OWN. Twas awesome.

So, it was great. At first. But the more I used it, and especially in other people’s homes, I noticed it streaked. First a little. THEN ALL THE TIME OH MY GOD, I CAN’T LEAVE THESE PEOPLE’S HOUSE LIKE THIS. And sure, it’s just water streaks, but STILL. It’s streaks. It looks half-assed. I tried every which way from Sunday .. different heads, different water levels (could it have been hard water? bought distilled. could it have been soft water? tried tap.) but nothing worked.

After I spent an extra hour “fixing” my last client’s house from the streaks, I had had enough. I brought that baby back and got my money back. After reading up on some client reviews, I learned that the Shark gets 100° LESS hot than other steamers.. which is why I think it streaks.  It’s not steam drying; it’s flat out water.  So I have ordered this one instead, after reading the review on Style Lush about how great it is.  Here’s hoping.

First of all, if anyone had told me I’d be this busy and this exhausted being UNEMPLOYED, I’d have laughed in their face.

***

So. I’m cleaning houses for money.  I have, like, a BUSINESS and stuff.  It’s called Obsessively Clean, named after my mild, undiagnosed OCD.  We have a website too.

That’s another thing.  I keep saying “we”, but it’s just me.  Just little ole me to juggle the estimates, the cleanings, the communications.  If anyone had told me it was this hard to run a start-up with just myself, I’d have laughed in their face.

****

Last night, I hosted a Miche Bag party in my house.  It was a lot of fun, and thanks to the wonderful gang who made their way over to share in my obsession that started before I was laid off.  As it is, I’m having to make this weird mental adjustment from being a business woman who needs to match her purse to her perfectly coiffed outfit on a daily basis to instead living in a sports bra and a do-rag.

*****

Bryan asks me nightly what I have planned for the next day.  I finally teared up one night and asked him not to ask anymore.  Because I don’t know.  I don’t have a set schedule, and I feel like the worst wife/mom/failure if I admit that I have nothing planned that day.  His response surprised me.

“Sarah, you haven’t quit working/selling/networking/exhausting yourself since you stopped going into an office.  Even during late nights and weekends, you are at the computer, working.  If you said you were going to do nothing tomorrow, I’d nod because you’ve earned it.  I worry that you’re not doing ENOUGH nothing.”

******

Tuesday, I was especially scattered.  On days when I’m home before Bryan, I try and live up to some imaginary wifely duty and have dinner on the table by the time he’s home. (My stupid expectation, not his.) I picked up Tony and ran to the store, hurried to get the one thing I needed for dinner and a few cleaning products I needed for the next early morning.  Tony is now the age where he can walk along side the cart, but MY GOD, he moves at the speed of molasses.  And this normally doesn’t bother me, but when I’m in a hurry?  JEEBUS, KID, C’MON ALREADY.  Lots of jumping, skipping, stopping, talking, pointing, NOT ENOUGH WALKING.  When in the checkout line, the lady at the register asked, “Is he always this happy?”

“Yes,” I said, really just needing her to bag faster.

We were driving home and Tony was quiet in the hot car.  I looked back at him and he was just staring at me, smiling.

“You’re MY momma,” he said.  This is what he says when the other kids hug me at daycare.

“I am, buddy.  And I love being your momma.”

He got quiet again, still staring.  Then a small smile crossed his face and he said, “I happy, Momma. You make me happy.”

… if anyone had told me that I would ever love anyone/anything/any any as much as I love him, I’d have laughed in their face.

I’m in between houses at the moment, so I’m literally one foot out the door, BUT..

Before you start your holiday vacation, I wanted you to know that I may have taken a certain somebody to watch their first show yesterday.

“We’re gonna go see a show!” I said.  I knew this would be a struggle.  My child moves too much for shows.  For anything, really.

“A show?” he knew what was up.

“Yep!  A show!  Kids are going to sing and dance!”  I smiled and lifted my eyebrows and everything, but he was still doubtful.

We got to the theatre, the stage where I had spent MANY MANY years, and he turned to me and said, “Oh, Momma!  A SHOW!  We gonna see a show!  I so EXCITED, Momma!”

At which point I fell down, dead from shock.

He was perfect through the hour-long show.  Sat quietly, soaked it all in.  And then after the show?  He BEGGED to get on the stage.  I couldn’t deny him the opportunity.

He loved it.  I pulled him off the stage, kicking and screaming.  And all I’ve heard since yesterday afternoon is “I dance on da stage, Momma!  I dance on da stage!! I did it!!”

Yeah, baby, you did.  Wade Robson Jr, at your service.