So last weekend was kind of a tripping point for me. If you watch Intervention, they call it rock bottom; if you’re a Hoarders fan, it was my “feel it so you can heal it” point.
First of all: this is probably ALL going to come across as whining. I hate having to caveat things like MY FEELINGS before I type them, but yes, I know there are people who are SO ENVIOUS that I have the first world problems I do. I KNOW THAT. You know what? Doesn’t make the problems any less real, or my feelings any less valid.
(I always, always, always think of Temerity Jane, who told me this story at the 2011 Blathering.. she had written a post about being miserably sick while living in Washington D.C., just horrifically, terribly ill. I think it was a kidney infection on top of a stomach flu or something horrendous. She pulled over on the way to work and vomited on the side of the road or something and in the process, peed in her pants. When writing this post, someone actually commented, I don’t even HAVE kidneys, so I’d LOVE the opportunity to just pee in my pants! or something of that nature. I think of that kidney-less lady ALL THE TIME.)
Last week was a really, really hard week at work. And I’m coming to realize more and more often that when I say, Man, that was a hard week, people think that maybe I had one rough thing. No, more often than not, it means that I was at work by 6:30 a.m. and left around 6:00 p.m. (or later) and crossed NOTHING off my to-do list in the process. And a lot of my list was stuff that was time sensitive – school work, exams, work projects with deadlines, etc. So by Friday – which ended up being another 12 hour day – I was toast. And still had THREE exams ahead of me.
I looked at Bryan and I felt the tears well up. I can’t do this all, I said. I just can’t. I have too much.
He nodded, hushed the boys, and took them out to dinner to give me an hour’s peace.
I sat down at my computer and decided: I need to drop a class.
So I went to the page to do that, and you know what? It turns out you can unenroll! With one click! And that click seems to be non-reversible! As I found out in sheer panic when I didn’t mean to SELECT THAT. So, there. I spent about an hour freaking out, realized there was nothing more I could do at 7:00 pm on a Friday night, and was asleep when the boys got home.
… this last weekend? Was the most RELAXING weekend I’ve had in a year.
So while I’m still reversing my unenrollment, I have realized that maybe taking 13 hours of courses a semester WHILE working full-time is not the smartest way to do this. And while, yes, obviously, I’d like to get done as soon as possible, I’d also like to not cry all the time and lose sleep over missed deadlines.
(Also, I need to find a program that caters to REAL ADULTS who have REAL JOBS. One day, I’ll tell you the stories.)
So I’m down to two classes. Two manageable classes, in classes that I’m really honestly interested in. And I feel like a freakin’ weight is off of my shoulders.
Because sometimes, you’re Superwoman. Sometimes, you’re just a crazy woman in a cape.
(Learning to tell the difference is the challenge!)