Why Caller ID is too much fun, by Sarah Brown
(italics are used to distinguish phone dialogue)
Boss calls.
Me: Boeing, Boss’s office, the most wonderful guy in the world and possibly the universe. This is Sarah, how may I brighten your day?
Boss: .. uh.. Sarah? Do you ALWAYS answer my phone like that?
Me: Yep. Every single time.
Boss: Nuh uh. I don’t believe you.
Me: Sure do. ‘Tis true.
Boss calls back.
Me: Boss’s office; what in the hell do you want?
Boss: Better.
Why You Should Not Call Sarah When You Think You Have a Computer Problem, by Sarah Brown
Engineer: Sarah, my computer is acting funny.
Me: Noooo. Really? I wonder why..
E: I don’t know.
Me: Well, what have you done to it?
E: Me? I don’t think I’ve done anything..
Me: Well, OBVIOUSLY, you have. Let me ask you, and this will stay between us.. have you been looking at porn at work?
E: WHAT? Well.. I.. see.. sometimes, stuff might pop-up, but..
Me: Yep. That’s what it is. The company tracks stuff like that. I’m sure that’s what’s wrong with your computer. They have a certain team that’s assigned to come clean up your computer and, you know, discuss the issue..
E: Ohmygod, I’m going to lose my job..
Me: No, you idiot. There’s a virus. Geez. Everyone’s computer is down.. PERVE.
You are evil.