i am here, on my shift-less laptop, enjoying what huntsville has to offer. mostly, huntsville has free wifi access in big spring park. so i’m enjoying it. i’m sitting across from the big fountain, on the stretch of wet grass that keboobalah frequent when we’re learning lines. and now, just like then, if you hold very still, you can feel little drops of the fountain fall on your face.

i am melting. but there is free wifi access here.

i wanted to update. i had a very emotionally trying day today. i thought the weekend itself would wear me out, but today took the cake.

friday night, delle was supposed to come in and we were supposed to drink. but bad weather was anticipated in atlanta, so her flight was delayed so late that it would be after midnight when she arrived. so instead, i got schooled by a 5 year-old in air hockey. (okay, not really schooled.. he only beat me by one point.)

i should tell you that if this post ends suddenly, it’s because i’ve been chased away by the mutant ducks that are beginning to circle me. i hate them. they’re not very fond of me, either.

saturday brough lunch with my bitter twin. we went to wings. i ate well. then she left me to my own insecurities, and i began worrying about the dreaded “meeting of the in-laws”, who were in town. i tried on close to eight different outfits, and marveled at how much my wardrobe is “me”.. meaning, if i needed to be anything but me, i was shit outta luck.

i finally settled on a fluted skirt and basic t-shirt and kitten heels. this could be heard as i was driving to the restaraunt.. “it’s like an audition, sarah. you rock at auditions. or a job interview. yeah, that’s it.. it’s just a job interview. and you always get the job. hell, you’ve already gotten the job. this is just protocol.”

then i laughed at myself, because i am friggin ridiculous.

i got there and was amazed to find out that none of what i had imagined was true. his father is like my father.. quiet, only cracking jokes, slightly flirtatious. her mother held some engaging conversation with me and we had a few good laughs. the boy and i had fun. the only one who was uncomfortable was bryan, who has had a fever and sinus infection all weekend, and everything was getting on his nerves.

after dinner, i went home. proud of myself.

today, i was put in a very terrible situation by two people i love. part of it was something that could not be avoided. and i handled it as best i knew how, but one of them ended up getting hurt. and the timing couldn’t be worse. the worst part is, though, that i fixed the problem not five minutes after it happened, but that was too late. so i’m really pissed about being put in that position to begin with, and i’m pissed that i received no credit for fixing the problem. really.. truly.. just pissed at myself.

and these ducks.

*edit*

a breeze has picked up. so two more thoughts, and then i’m done:

- do you ever feel like, maybe, there’s this invisible checklist that you’re marking off? i haven’t felt that way until this past month, and now everything feels very finalized and very warp speed. and admittedly, i’m getting a bit freaked out.

- i really do wish well for people, even those i dislike. i want them to have good jobs, i want them to have engaging hobbies (engaging.. heh!), and i want them to know love. because, god willing, if they have those things, they will have less time to annoy the hell out of me.

and i’m done.