so a brief shout-out to barnes and nobles, who on top of having great iced drinks, is also offering free wifi access to katrina evacuees. and me.

i’m out of work a second day this week. i’m just so incredibly sleepy and ill. i just don’t care about work. just kinda.. blech. luckily, i work my ass off (OBVIOUSLY a figure of speech), so i have plenty of sick leave at my disposal.

it sucks to just be shaken at your core. i mean, i’m okay and i’ll be okay and all of that jazz.. no need for an intervention or anything over here. but the last week attacked everything that i felt fairly confident about. and despite the fact that decisions weren’t based on ANYTHING “business related”, they still shook me.

bryan, god love him, is doing what he can, but the poor guy’s got a show opening on friday, so he’s got enough on his plate. he holds me every night till (he thinks) i’m asleep, he showers me with compliments.. that should be enough, right? for instance, we were talking about the fated auditions last weekend, and how odd it felt to not be reading a certain part that i’d played A DOZEN times..

b: you’re still, i believe, one of the most talented actors, male or female, in the city.
s: you’re just saying that because you’re sleeping with me.
b: no, i thought that before i was sleeping with you.
s: because you WANTED to be sleeping with me.

what’s really frustrating, the MOST frustrating, is that i’m LETTING this get to me. every person in the world that i care about has told me how they think i’ve been screwed over, how i’m more than talented enough to do anything involved with that production, etc.. and yet i sit here, doubting myself.

maybe i’ll go see debbie this afternoon. that usually helps.