Resolution Update for My Non-Existent Resolutions

<<Well, here is where I was going to embed a video of SNL’s video “Resolution Revolution”, but Hulu is being troublesome and HEY, that’s why we won’t cancel DirecTV yet. GET IT TOGETHER, INTERNET TV.>>

ANYWAY, the gist of the song is that everyone makes these really crazy resolution – I’ll give up smoking! No more booze for me! I’m only gonna exercise and eat well FOREVER! – and then they get about two weeks into the new year and realize that yeah, no.

(This is why I form a To-Do list for the year. It seems more manageable and realistic.)

But! I have decided that while I’m completing said To-Do list, I’d also like to not be as fat. It’s this weird thing I have, where I’m tired of being FAT ALL OF THE TIME. Yes, I just had a baby, blah blah blah but JUST is seven months ago and you know? I’d like to be able to wear SOME of my spring clothes that I already have instead of having to buy MORE clothes because I’m too FAT.

So I’ve been INSANELY good. Look at what I’ve done!

I’m logging every single calorie that enters my gaping maw. Upon recommendation from the most trustworthy experts (i.e. my twitter friends), I downloaded the LoseIt app and I have to say – I love it. I had good success with SparkPeople back in the day, but that was before smartphones and widely available apps, and having to log in to a REAL LIVE DATABASE every time I ate was a hassle. But this app! This app is amazing. 1) It has a huge selection of already entered foods. 2) YOU CAN SCAN BARCODES. I literally pick up a pack of anything, scan the barcode, and the corresponding nutritional data is logged. You guys – this is straight up sorcery. It’s very Hogwarts up in my diet. I’ve been doing this religiously since Jan. 1, and I’ve gone over my daily calorie budget exactly three times. Three. (It’s worth mentioning that exercise gives you bonus calories to use, so days that I went over most likely mean I didn’t eat well and/or I didn’t move a lot.) Most days, I’m way, way under. It’s a free app, and I highly recommend it. There’s a paid, “premium” version that I’ll be signing up for when my replacement FitBit gets here – they integrate seamlessly. Speaking of FitBit..

I’m using our stairs. My job CAN be very sedentary, and the FitBit was a great motivator to remind me to get up and move. When I wore it. Which I tended NOT to do. I dunno – it was uncomfortable on my wrist? I type a LOT at work, so things on my wrist tend to bother me. (I can wear a watch without issue, which is odd. But the FitBit really, really bothered me.) My work has incentive points we get awarded through the year, and I used some of mine to order a FitBit One, which can be worn in a pocket or on my bra, so I have high hopes for that. BACK TO THE STAIRS THING. I sit on the 5th floor of my building, so the idea of only using the stairs can be daunting and easy to fail. So I’m sticking to the following:

  • If I’m going downstairs, I can only use the stairs. (If I’m carrying a lot of stuff, I may bend this rule. I’m a klutz on stairs.)
  • For two weeks, I use a lower floor for entry and exit. For example, I just finished my first week of using the 4th floor. I ride the elevator to the 4th floor and take the stairs up from there. One more week on the 4th floor, and then I use the 3rd floor for two weeks. By the time Lent rolls around, I should be using ONLY stairs.
  • I’m giving up the office elevator for Lent. (Again, barring safety hazards.)

I’m drinking entirely too much water for one human/non-camel. Part of my “reading more” to-do chore for 2014 is reading a book that outlines 52 little changes you can make to your life that will add up over time, and the first one was hydration. It had some fancy math calculation about how much water you should drink and mine added up to be 90-100 oz a day. THAT IS A LOT OF WATER, GUYS. However, since I spent New Year’s Day passing a kidney stone, I’ve gone whole hog on this one. I carry around a 30 oz bottle of water and refill it AT LEAST three times a day. (I also spend a lot of steps getting to and from the bathroom, because MAN. SO MUCH PEEING.)

I’m planning meals weekly and cooking every night. This is not a 100% thing – but we’ve gone from eating out 5 nights a week (I am ashamed, but this is entirely true) to cooking 5-6 nights a week. It’s a PAIN IN THE REAR, but I’ve SO missed us gathering around a table to something that I’ve made for them. (Except for the night that we made the two oldest boys eat ONE bite of potato and they both spontaneously vomited. I’M NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING. Bryan and I just silently sat there, then cleaned up and sat back down to eat.)

So here’s the big reveal – the part where someone has outlined their plans and their efforts and they tell you the big result where you can see the payoff.. DRUMROLL PLEASE….

…. NOTHING. NOT A FREAKING THING. I feel like crap, I’m exhausted in every way, and I’ve GAINED TWO POUNDS.

HAPPY FRICKIN’ NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

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3 Responses to Resolution Update for My Non-Existent Resolutions

  1. Jen January 20, 2014 at 7:09 am #

    Well EFFFFF. Hang in there, girl. I noticed a change just in the last month for me. I honestly think that (at least for me) my body won’t let go of the weight no matter WHAT I DO until after 9mos or so. Hormonal? I also am losing a lot of hair again! WTH. It’s so tough to be patient & not get frustrated when our efforts don’t change anything. Just keep doing what you’re doing! Your body will eventually listen. xoxo
    Jen wants you to read ..getting my videos in order with Yourkidvid

  2. Jesabes January 20, 2014 at 11:02 am #

    Oh, Sarah, that suuuuuucks. Hopefully your body gets the message SOON.

  3. anonymous January 24, 2014 at 8:06 pm #

    Early last year I started a new eating and fitness program and I swear to god I was an angel and didn’t see a damn result for months. I mean many, many months. And it hurt, like deep in my soul. I am in my mid-forties now and despite gaining and losing weight quite a bit throughout my life, this was the first time I saw not a single hopeful or encouraging sign. And lo, it hurt. But I stuck with it, I really did. And then it started to come off, regularly and reliably. And by the end of the year I had lost 35 lbs. Eating well and exercising regularly is hard when you DO see results; having so much time go by without anything happening was incredibly painful. But now, from this vantage point? So Worth It.
    Hang in there. Sometimes the body just takes a while to kick into gear, I think.

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