Credit Where Credit is Due

“Wait, where’s Bryan?”

I went to an audition last night, and I haven’t seen .. well, most anybody since I had the baby three months ago. I kept getting questions about where Bryan was. “He’s home with the kids,” I’d say.

“Oh, babysitting,” they’d respond.

Now, to be fair, Bryan and I used to audition together. And also, it was not uncommon that we’d both be there with one or both boys. (They like sitting through theatre stuff.)

“Nope,” I’d say. “He’s such a fantastic father. You should see him, juggling the boys. He’s just an amazing dad.”

I mean that.

I work a difficult and unpredictable job. My hours often vary from 8-14 hours on any given day, usually with little notice. He’s always offered to take care of drop-off/pick-up, without any guilt trips. In fact, it’s usually one or two text messages (usually to tell me he’s getting Tiny and Connie, which is what Autocorrect believes our children are named), and it’s just done. He takes care of homework, snack, bottles, and everything. Sometimes, it’s dinner, bath, and bed before I even get home. And you know? The boys need to see that. They need to see what a good partnership really means.

When I was reading Lean In, it kept talking about how you have to ensure that you have a true partnership at home. The men should take care of some of the housework, the book coaches. They need to parent as well.

Is this really something worthy of publication? Like, this isn’t something all marriages already practice?

Now, don’t get me wrong. We still have our little eye-rolls at eachother. I leave the bathroom light on when I’m getting ready before dawn, and that bothers him. His idea of “cleaning the kitchen” is putting dishes into soak (until I can just no longer stand looking at them). He calls me a clothes hoarder; I do all of the laundry for all three of the boys. But these are SO SMALL in the grand scheme of things.

The boys see two people, madly in love. Who really enjoy each other’s company. They see a father who is actively involved in his kids, his house, and his job. They see a father who supports their mother in her career. (And they see a mother free to pursue a career!)

At the audition, someone asked me if I was happy. Bryan asks me this all the time, too.. sometimes in jest, but sometimes with sincerity.

In truth, I could not have found a better partner than I found at that Waffle House nine years ago.

And I’ll give credit where credit is due.

6 Responses to Credit Where Credit is Due

  1. Jessica September 16, 2013 at 3:18 pm #

    I think it’s amazing that your husband is willing to work AND parent AND clean/cook. Chris is terrible with babies, cooking, and cleaning so I do most of the housework and I work part time. But I don’t have any problem telling him when I need him to step up and help me. That way, he can be reminded that I do need help and keep me from feeling disgruntled.
    Jessica wants you to read ..Easter Was Last Week, Right?

  2. Hillary September 16, 2013 at 3:36 pm #

    The great partnership you two have totally comes through here and on Instagram.
    Hillary wants you to read ..Because of course

  3. lissie September 16, 2013 at 6:03 pm #

    True partners are so hard to find but the key to a happy marriage and I love that you put this into words. When I hear people at work talk about their spouses I think “did I win the husband lottery?” Nah, just made sure I married someone who wanted a partnership.

  4. Diana September 16, 2013 at 8:01 pm #

    I always thought it was odd when people would ask me where the baby was (when I was out by myself) and I’d say “Home with Matt” and they’d look at me like I had 6 heads.

    I definitely agree that it’s incredibly important to have a partnership in parenting. When dad stays at home with the kids, he isn’t “babysitting”. He’s being a dad!

    Loved this post. Also, going to read Lean In.
    Diana wants you to read ..Why Can’t We Be Friends?

  5. MrsDragon September 16, 2013 at 8:12 pm #

    Ooooh, the “babysitting” comments burn me up. You sir, are not “babysitting”, you are a freaking FATHER! Gah!

    Ahem. Yea, I get similar comments regarding my husband’s contributions to housework (hint: he does more than I do.) Drives me bonkers.
    MrsDragon wants you to read ..Papa Dubi’s [4/5]

  6. kakaty September 19, 2013 at 3:45 pm #

    Hot damn the babysitting comments make me angry…but women are the worst at not only perpetuating the idea but ALLOWING it to happen. For instance, I just saw this post on FB: “I so need a break, time away from these kids” commenter “let’s go out tomorrow night for drinks and a pedicure” Poster: “Awww, thanks but I’d feel too guilty leaving him [her husband, father of her children] with the kids.”I wanted to explode but I just hit “hide” instead.
    kakaty wants you to read ..Indians Family Social Suite

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