I say “long overdue”, but is it? REALLY? I went back and saw that I wrote this post for Tony within four hours of his being born. That’s .. well, that’s ridiculous, I think.
I gave myself six whole days this time! We’ve come a long way, baby!
The tl;dr version is this: things went fine, we are home now, and man, I forgot how hard this newborn stuff really is. Also: I AM NO LONGER PREGNANT AND NEVER WILL BE AGAIN!
::cue angel chorale::
When we last met our caped crusaders, even the doc was amazed that no baby had materialized yet. Every doctor’s visit was met with disappointment from everyone (and I quote: “I have no idea what’s holding the baby in there at this point” – THE DOCTOR), and I had just begun to accept that I would greet menopause while gestating a twelve year old.
Finally, after another check that brought meh news (it’s hard to complain about a healthy baby, you know?), I grabbed the doc’s hand and said, “No, seriously. Get him out. I’m done.” So even though I swore I would not induce with this pregnancy, we scheduled an induction.
(This is why birth plans are not carved in stone, folks.)
We went to a new hospital for Vinnie, for no reason other than it was closer to our house and .. well, to be perfectly honest, there were way more food places around it. First pregnancy: hospital choice is based on NICU availability and reputation. Second pregnancy: where can I get good hot wings, fast? True story.
We checked in at 6:00 a.m. on Friday morning and got settled in with a pitocin drip. Our nurse was one we’d met during a fruitless visit to L&D earlier, and I was glad it was her. She had a good sense of humor, but was firm about what needed to happen. I need someone to be the boss of me.
Doc came in around 9 a.m. to break my water. And that’s when he exclaimed, “My God, woman .. you have iron clad membranes!” and we suddenly knew our life’s ambition was to make a band with that name. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday – IRON CLAD MEMBRANES rocks the Civic Center! He exclaimed this because he had to break my water TWICE. The first “nick”, as he called it, didn’t do the job. We then realized what exactly had been holding the baby in.
Epidural went fine, and I’ll spare you those details.
Then our nurse went kind of rogue. “If you’re up to it,” she said, “I like to do this kind of voodoo nursing thing.” Don’t know if you’ve met me, but at this point, I would’ve willingly slaughtered a goat myself in sacrifice to have delivered this baby, so yeah, I was down with voodoo nursing.
“It’s called wedging,” she said. It basically uses gravity and pillows to manipulate the baby downward and “starts the birthday party a little sooner”. Once the epidural took effect, she and another nurse came and rolled me and flipped me until I was – in all honesty – the most comfortable I’d been in probably months. Everything was aligned and supported and I honestly fell asleep.
Around 11:00 a.m., she woke me up and told me that in a minute, she’d check my progress again and then we’d flip to another position to let things progress. I told Bryan that he should probably go get some lunch since we had a step or two more till the big action happened. The nurse agreed and Bryan headed out to eat.
Five minutes later, she checked me and calmly asked where Bryan was eating, how close was he, and could I maybe call him? Because I was having the baby. Like NOW.
Hey, could you maybe get that burger to go? I texted him.
I kept eying the nurse suspiciously. “I am NOT about to have a baby,” I argued.
“Yes, honey, you are. Put your feet in the stirrups.”
“SHUT UP THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. IT’S NOT EVEN NOON.”
“You are having this baby by lunch, honey. Get ready to push. Where is the doctor?”
Thus began a frenzy of activity because Vinnie runs his own schedule. I literally pushed for maybe twenty minutes and then the doc ran in from another room and literally had one glove on Vinnie’s head while they struggled to get his other glove on.
“Okay, okay, stop pushing!” they said.
“I AM NOT PUSHING ANY MORE HE IS JUST READY TO COME OUT,” I responded.
And then he was there. And I kept looking around in shock because I literally had felt NO pain through the entire birth. I felt nothing. I was exhausted, yes, and had pulled every muscle in my body, but pain? Nothing. And there, on my chest, was a lovely baby boy.
His big brothers were very excited to meet him, and the coaching on how to be a good big brother is probably one of my favorite pictures from the whole entire length of Vinnie’s life.
We’re all home now and relearning how to do this baby-at-home stuff. I’m attempting to breastfeed, which did not go well last time, so I’m trying to be patient and relaxed about it this time. We’ll see how that goes. All fingers and toes are accounted for, and he is, by all counts, as laid back and chill as his brothers were.
And that, my friends, is how Vinnie was freed.