Just Getting By.

I am what most people lovingly (or not so lovingly) refer to as Type A. Also known as a Virgo. Also known as OCD. I like to be in control of all things at all times. And I want everything I touch to be perfect.

Usually, this can be turned into an asset. I’m known for killing myself over details, for working insane hours to make sure that everything is done and as close to perfection as anyone can muster. This also means I may pick up slack from others who don’t .. share my drive. It means that a lot, actually.

But we’ve reached a point in my pregnancy where I just. can’t. anymore. I’ve been trying – and it’s hard because last pregnancy? I worked until PAST my due date. Like, in the office, working 8-9 hour days two or three days after my due date, until my boss just finally got skeeved out at the thought of my water breaking at an event or a meeting. Even then, I worked virtually until the day of my induction. So I have this standard of insanity that I SET BY MYSELF that I’m trying to hold myself to. But this time is so different.

I have another kid, as it turns out.

My job is a bit more stressful now than it was then. (Although I love it! I really do!)

I’m in school.

This fetus is harder on my body than the last one.

While I’m textbook healthy – and therefore hate complaining – this pregnancy has been so MISERABLE. I’m not sleeping because I can’t get comfortable. I have allergies that are causing me to have a reflex dry cough that has caused me to vomit on more than one occasion. And y’all. Let’s not even TALK about my feet. I have ONE pair of shoes that fit. ONE. My feet/ankles/calves/knees swell to two or three times their normal size. To the point that coworkers stare at me with a mix of sympathy and disgust and say, “Oh, honey.” I KNOW.

I am HUGE. I literally cannot turn around in my shower without having to open the door to allow room for my belly. (It’s a standing shower, to be fair.)(NO, SCREW IT, THERE IS NO FAIR HERE.) I have to wake up to roll over, because it is an event. I get winded walking from my desk to the bathroom.

AND I STILL HAVE FOUR (and a half, in reality) WEEKS TO GO.

So we’re getting to the point that I’m just getting by. Work stuff gets done, but it gets done when I can get it done in a realistic (i.e. normal person’s) timeframe. If stuff is not getting done by the person who should be doing it – I’M LETTING IT GO UNDONE. (This is massively painful for me.) I am currently holding a high C average in the class that’s caused me heartburn all semester. I have an opportunity to retake the final for a better grade, but I’m really like, Meh. That’s passing.

The house is not spotless. I haven’t cooked in AGES. Bryan has picked up more than a fair share of the household duties and I just can’t help any more. It is all I have to not come home from work and go straight to bed. (Mostly to get my feet up.)

The boys’ room is done; they are now sharing a (pretty cool, if I do say so myself) room. The nursery .. well, we have a bassinet, so it’s not like we need a nursery on Day 1, right? RIGHT?

It’s only a small amount of weeks left, but each day seems so looooong (especially when I can’t sleep) that I don’t know if I can make it. (.. you know, like I have another choice.)

Right now, it’s all about just getting by. So that we can get better later.

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9 Responses to Just Getting By.

  1. Erica May 1, 2013 at 8:27 pm #

    Hang in there. Don’t worry about the nursery. I’m sure what you call just getting by at work is still a really great job. Just get through in one piece. It’s a lot different being pregnant with a kid as I am finding out too. Thinking of you… My feet and ankles got really swollen last time. I still have 14 weeks to go on this one so we’ll see how my feet fare.
    Erica wants you to read ..Thoughts right now…

  2. Rachel McDaniel May 1, 2013 at 10:49 pm #

    Thinking of you…

  3. Elsha May 1, 2013 at 11:05 pm #

    I remember all those things from the end of Daniel’s pregnancy. So miserable! I’ll hope this baby comes just a smidge early for your sake!
    Elsha wants you to read ..He made it out unscathed

  4. James Brown May 2, 2013 at 7:15 am #

    You have to let the people at work put on their big boy pants and do their job. After Vincent is born you can go back to solving world hunger and global warming…in the mean time you have to take care of you

  5. Brigitte May 2, 2013 at 7:58 am #

    Oh, I know, I know, on all accounts.
    Brigitte wants you to read ..Toddler trickery

  6. Jen May 2, 2013 at 1:15 pm #

    All of this is exactly why pregnancy- especially this last one- is so hard for me. I SUCK at giving up control of my house, my existing kids, etc. But at some point, there really is NO CHOICE and that is so frustrating for me. Thank GOD for helpful and willing and capable husbands/dads, that’s all I’m saying. Man. Just know that even a WEEK after Zach was born, I already felt better than I had for the previous two months. Unbelievable how quickly things turned around, even with the normal postpartum fun. So, you’ll make it! You’ll get there! I know it doesn’t seem that way now… those last weeks are a freaking ETERNITY. xoxo And you’ll get a BABBBBBYYYY at the end 🙂
    Jen wants you to read ..Zachary is born

  7. Stacy May 3, 2013 at 5:47 pm #

    Oh honey …. I feel your irritability and raise you a hacking gagging dry post-nasal drip cough. I’m not pregnant I hang over the sink gagging and drooling from some horrific allergy-induced sinus-blasting cough. You’ve heard all the platitudes about how it’s so worth it, and the baby will be so precious and you’ll forget this, but I really get what it’s like to feel so out of control. I also don’t have any suggestions. TRY, maybe, to find the positives? I don’t know … treat yourself to a fabulous mani/pedi — who gives a fuck if your feet are the size of footballs, you are growing a person inside of your body, and I think you are doing a fantastic job. Hugs … 😉
    Stacy wants you to read ..Links to AutMont

  8. Stacy May 3, 2013 at 5:49 pm #

    I love your sidebar 2013 TO-DO list. Awesome!

  9. Jessica May 6, 2013 at 10:31 pm #

    We brought Elise home and realized that the pack and play was missing the rods to turn it into a bassinet. So she slept in her Moses basket and I hardly slept a wink. As long as you have a bassinet, you are good to go.

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