Let me tell you about this thing they call Baby Brain.
Because it’s REAL, y’all.
On Saturday, post-soccer game (the Limes scored a goal this week! and one of them was an actual point for THEM instead of the other team!), Tony went with my mom and dad and Bryan went with me to test drive some minivans.
This is not something I wanted to do, mind you.
In fact, I cried when I realized that this pregnancy meant I could never drive a Fiat. So a minivan? Meant that I was officially Mom of Many.
Anyway, so we headed over to CarMax, determined to drive a couple of models and then we’d come back later to buy. We looked at a nice Honda Odyssey, a Nissan Quest, a Toyota Sienna, and a Chrysler Town & Country. Since we were familiar with the Honda and the Toyota vans, we decided to drive a Town & Country.
And we LOOOOOOVED it.
We drove a 2012 model that had been a fleet vehicle, and when he showed us a 2008 model that was $4k cheaper, we said we’d take it. And we high fived ourselves at being done with car shopping within a two hour window. Because we were! WE WERE DONE. We figured we still could hit Babies R Us for the travel system before we even picked Tony up and we’d have TWO things off of our “Before Vinnie Gets Here List”. Giddy with the Crossing Things Off the List High, we cleaned out the Saturn Vue and Bryan handed me the keys to our new van.
We got down the road when .. things started going south. First, there was an overwhelming burning smell. Which, hey! Could be the A/C hadn’t been run in a while! And then the brakes kinda .. failed. And the car got REALLY loud in 4th gear. And all of these things put me into serious Braxton Hicks and Bryan made me turn the car around and we took it right back.
CarMax, admittedly, was AMAZING about all of it. They were incredibly apologetic (to which we were like, Um, we’re the morons that DIDN’T DRIVE THE CAR BEFORE WE BOUGHT IT), and within an hour, we drove off in a 2012 Town & Country. (Bryan drove. I was still .. contracting.)
Every resident with a penis in my house is currently felled by the insane amounts of tree pollen we’re suffering from here in the south. Tony’s poor eyes are almost swollen shut entirely and his face swells from the reaction, and Bryan’s just a leaky mess.
This is Bryan.
I mean, damn. I’m sorry that you’re allergic, but MUST YOU BE SO LOUD? (Seriously, poor guy. He’s been miserable for awhile.)
Anyway, so I went to the grocery store alone so
I could hear myself think for awhile no one else had to be troubled. I sped through the aisles, having done the meal planning and list-making for the week, and swiftly loaded approximately $200 worth of groceries onto the checkout belt. (We.. have not been grocery shopping in a LOOOONG time. Because I’m tired.) I plopped my wallet out on the check-writing thing, and I noticed that my “old” keys (the set to the Saturn Vue) were missing from my purse, and I got all sweaty and panicky. Not because I needed them, mind you, but because I started to freak out that I had lost something. I am OCD. I do not lose things.
I was small-talking the cashier and the bag boy and frantically trying to find my keys – which, again, I did not need as the van has a weird key – and the time came to swipe my credit card. I went to my purse to grab my wallet and .. it wasn’t there.
“Wait, stop,” I said. This is such a nightmare. Like, literally. It is literally a recurring nightmare that I suddenly don’t have something I vitally need and now I’ve inconvenienced someone and embarrassed myself. And before I could stop myself, I WAS CRYING IN KROGER.
“I don’t have my walllllleeeeettttt,” I sobbed. Because I am a terrible mother, who loses her keys and her wallet and probably a child.
Both the cashier and the bag boy – teenagers, at most – stopped and stared at me, not really sure how to proceed. OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE. And behind me, a slightly-less pregnant lady had emptied HER cart of $200 onto the belt as well.
Finally, the cashier said, “Ma’am, it’s okay. Also, your wallet is pink, right?”
My eyes flashed with hope, “YES! How did you know that?”
She pointed to it. On the check-writing thing. Where I HAD PUT IT.
(I still haven’t found my keys.)