Some events today have made me reconsider the trials and tribulations that are associated with being a woman, and I have to say, we have got to be the most complex, strongest, most resilient and fucked-up creatures to walk the earth.  I used to think some of those deep-sea fish that produce their own neon were, but I think that “WOMAN” tops the list.  Maybe a close second.

To be a woman, you must constantly believe in yourself, but in an odd twist of fate, you won’t believe other people WHO believe in you.  For instance, ladies, think back on the last compliment your significant other gave you.  Then the last compliment you received from a complete stranger.  Which one meant more to you?  I’ll put money on it being the complete stranger.. the people who believe in us the most are USUALLY the people
we believe the least.

To be a woman, you must overcome the idea that women are your mortal enemy.  It’s very easy to succumb to the notion that it’s a dog-eat-dog (or woman-eat-woman) world out there, and it’s hard not to raise your hackles when new bitches wander into the pack.  I can say that in full confidence, because I WAS that woman.  For the better part of my youth, I would ONLY associate with men.  I thought it was easier.  In retrospect, I missed out on a lot.  My girlfriends have shown me that.  There is no better feeling than being surrounded by women whom you admire, love, and trust.  No man can give you that feeling.

To be a woman, you must push aside emotions that will make you “girlie” so that you can succeed in a man’s world.  When you think about it, that seems to be the biggest detriment to the economy that I can think of.  Compassion, understanding, grief, joy.. all of those things are supposed to stay outside of the office, so you can rise above the glass ceiling.  What really confuses me is that when you find other women in the working world, we all struggle to wear this mask.  Why?  Why, when I’m upset, can I not show it?  Will it make me weaker?  Will I be less competent if I’m in a bad mood?  To use a BitterHouse classic, “Bite me, Francine.”

To be a woman, we must pretend to not care about biological features that make us exclusively female.  When I had a tumor removed from my breast, I rationalized it for a week.  Something was in my breast that did not need to be there, so it had to leave.  End of story.  Finally, the day before I was to go under, it hit me that
my breast was what was at risk.  A piece of what made me a woman was being cut away.  Would that make me less of a woman?  Would I miss it?  Would I appear different to those I loved?  The answer, obviously, was
no.. but it was almost incapacitating, the fear of losing what I was ALWAYS taught is an objectification of my womanhood.

To be a woman, we must accept defeat gracefully and not play any gender, sexual orientation, racial, or ageist cards.  If we do, we immediately run the risk of turning back YEARS of progress.  So there is a fine line between validation and playing a bias card.  We are to pretend that there ARE no biases in our world, no matter how loudly they scream at us every damn day.

But I think that what really struck me today is that, to be a woman, we must never stop.  There is never an opportunity to just sit down and demand to not move any further.  To be a woman, we must strive to be the women we hope our daughters grow up to be.  We must honor the women that we watched our mothers struggle as.  To be a woman, we must hope the best for the future, while correcting what we can of the past, and never stop enjoying the present.

Having said all of that, I’m very much looking forward to one last round of VM auditions this evening, where we celebrate what it is to be a woman, and all of the many different patchsquares that make up womanhood.  As I’ve said many times, being a room with such a diverse and lively group of woman does wonders for my soul.. and makes me proud to be a woman.