Because I love the big ole mixes of color that I have at month’s end, here’s our June Wrap-Up.
June was a very hard month for us. Not, like, in the oppressive way of finances or health or even weather-related (although HOLY HELL, IT’S BEEN SO HOT HERE LATELY), but .. hard for us on a personal level. And thusly, here are some things you should know.
I’ve watched as big-time bloggers have undergone personal traumas and I’ve never really wondered if they handled it correctly online. As readers, we feel personally invested in their lives, and I’ve watched some readers react angrily to news of divorce or separation or bankruptcy or what have you. They feel betrayed that they were not aware of these things happening.
They accuse these bloggers of lying, or wearing a pretense.
But you know, when it all boils down to it: that’s their lives. You can spend the ten minutes reading and that’s all well and good, but it’s their EVERY DAY. They do not get to close the browser window and have it vanish.
Then it’s argued that, well, they started this! They put their lives online, so they should be true to what they started. They should be authentic to their online personas.
(Side note: it took me a good ten minutes to come up with the word authentic. I found it because it kept pinging me back to a lot of the Lana Del Ray flaming that occurred when she performed on SNL. I live a complicated existence.)
So, as someone who plays this role, let me just say: sometimes, what’s happening backstage is not fit for the audience to see. Until the cast is nailed down, or the lines are at least firmed up, there is no point in raising the curtain yet.
Also, there’s a reason you don’t see a lot of the backstage: that’s where the magic happens. If you knew how Cinderella magically transformed from ash-laden to full-on-princess, well, that would just take some of the fairy dust out of the equation, and what fun would that be anyway?
Seeing things as they are wanted to be seen is part of what the internet is about. As a result, I tend to read sites that are realistic about what they cover. If they are parents writing, I expect to hear the good and the bad of parenting. Please spare me the 24/7 sunshine and roses routine, because, um, I HAVE KIDS. I know that there’s copious amounts of poop and tantrums. So when you paint the Norman Rockwell, that’s your choice, but I don’t find that worth my time.
But keep in mind that even “truthful” sites – like this one, I suppose? – have things that you don’t know are happening. This month is a grand example. Everything is fine now, but man, we had a couple of weeks where I couldn’t put words to paper. Is that me beingunauthentic? Perhaps. But it’s how bloggers are. To be perfectly honest, if I saw a blogger document a marriage unraveling or a bankruptcy surfacing, I’d doubt it was truthful at all. You hold some cards close to the chest until you’re ready to show your hand. It’s part of the theatre of it. We are story-tellers.
Anyway. I wanted you to know that I try and give you the truth as I believe it is meant to be revealed. This weekend had some unfortunately-timed comments happen that I took personally – whether or not they were directed at me is irrelevant, really, because BUCK UP, BUTTERCUP, amirite? – and I thought I needed to say this. I love my kids, I love my husband, I love my life – but I may not like them from time to time. That’s part of, you know, being human.
Anyway. July, let’s do this.
Personally, I get really freaked out by readers that think a blogger owes them nitty-gritty details of finances, relationships, or anything else. And there are those readers out there. I like the story. (Now, with that said, don’t go so far into the story that you’re video taping yourself being air lifted from the top of a mountain by a search and rescue team, and then publishing your own press release about said rescue. That’s taking the story telling a wee bit too far.)
It’s definitely human to not always like those we love. Sorry June was such a bitch, hope July is much better!
I don’t know if it’s coincidence that you wrote about this while I’ve been thinking about it – or if maybe you’ve just had the same trigger. Just in case it’s coincidence, I’ll fill you in on what got me thinking about it.
A blogger wrote an entry I saw linked on Twitter, the entry basically said, “Liars suck, but people who are over dramatic also suck.” The entry sited people who DONT suck with their “real” drama and that list – of course – was a bunch of big named bloggers.
Now, I assumed that the entry was written about a specific blogger, but since I am not “in the loop” I didn’t know who the intended Target was. But, I was irritated because – who are we to judge who makes things “too dramatic” because, lord, sometimes I feel I blow things WAAAAAY out of proportion. So I almost took her entry to me (not that it was meant that way, she doesn’t know me) because I think I could be interpreted as being over-dramatic.
But then – LIKE YOU SAID – there are so many things I don’t talk about. Big things in my life that never make it to the blog. So I would hate for someone to classify me as “over-dramatic” without even knowing what I kept close to my heart, like you said.
So…Yeah. I keep a lot close to my heart, some to never be revealed, but so to reveal someday. And if I reveal things over-dramatically? It’s because I like the attention
I think that post was about Press Release Guy. I kind of agree with you, that it’s not usually our place to judge what is too dramatic, but I look at cases like this dude and think that it is good to keep a healthy dose of skepticism, also. This guy has asked his readers for donations before, and IMO, it’s a good idea for people to ask if it’s a good idea to send money to a guy that writes his own press release complete with pictures and video of his mountain rescue. I mean, it just seems so off to me. I think maybe that’s where that post was going with the over-dramatic thing — is it realistic drama, or does it set off a skeptical alarm.
And you’re so NOT over-dramatic!
Everyone needs to vent, I think that’s what 98% of blogs are about, honestly. But there’s a fine line between venting frustration, and airing dirty laundry —which can prove disastrous to a relationship or circumstance. So, if you care about someone or something, I say leave the deeply negative aspects of it off of the internet.
I don’t think it works the same for positive things. We rarely give praise when it’s due anymore as a society (at least I think so, anyway). And besides, who DOESN’T like a pat on the back?
Aunt Gee wants you to read ..Thanksgiving: A tradition steeped in blood and served with a side of artery-clogging awkward family food moments. And pumpkin.
I think a lot of the “backstagging” is also about respect. I very very very rarely ever post something negative about my husband anywhere online. Is he perfect? Heck no, but neither am I and I don’t want to (a)tarnish other people’s opinions of him (they can form their own) and (b)be forced to read something negative over and over.
And there are plenty of “taboo” topics on my blog. You aren’t going to see me talk about work, the in depth details of my marriage or anything personal about my family. Because I value their privacy. Because I personally am uncomfortable disclosing that kind of thing where anyone at all could read it. I’m not going to talk politics or religion because that’s not something I would just throw out there with everyone.
Everyone has their own boundaries and I certainly don’t mind READING those topics on other people’s blogs, it’s just not something I personally am comfortable putting out there.
All of which to say: I completely agree with and respect your decision. I understand how it’s not easy not to share sometimes but it is your blog and your prerogative to decide what is blog fodder and what is not.
MrsDragon wants you to read ..Meridian St. Cafe #2 [4/5]
backstage: that’s where the magic happens
Preach it, sister!