It never fails.

I am an emotional wreck today.  On top of my best friend having a baby, a wedding on the horizon, one of my other close friends having a baby SOON, another one of my friends going through surgery soon, my sister being sick again..

All of these are none of MY problem, I realize that.  Doesn’t mean they’re not on my mind.

So last night, I made Bryan dinner and brought it to him at the school.. Tuesdays and Thursdays, Bryan doesn’t get to leave the school until almost 10.  He works long days, so I thought I’d be sweet.  I brought him a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, a blood orange, and a mountain dew.  I left, killed time at Target, then came home to straighten up.  He finally came home, and we went to bed.

Sidenote: where the hell is the snow and ice?

Anyway, so I get up early this morning, hellbent on making breakfast for us.  He just deserved a little something special, for working so hard. 

I put the food down for the dogs and start my shower.

I hear SHREIKING in the other room.  SCREAMING.

Charlie is attacking Mabel.

There is blood.

I seperate the two of them, stick Charlie outside (which, immediately, I feel terrible about.. our deck was frozen and he’s a shorthaired dog), and clean Mabel up.  She’s shaking.  So am I.

I let Charlie back in, and he knows he’s been bad.  I don’t understand him.  This is the second time in a month that he’s attacked her.  For no reason.  I’ve had dogs all of my life, and I’ve never seen a dog act this way.  He’s bitten both Bryan and I, but he immediately knew he was wrong for doing so.  It’s like there’s a switch inside of him that flips indiscrimately.  He fights it; he knows it’s wrong.  And he’s such a loving dog the rest of the time.

So I’ve been holding back tears all morning, because it’s been made clear that we can’t save him.

I know Bryan’s going to hate me.  He has every right to.  I told him he has to get rid of his dog.

Argh.  I’m choking on sobs now, as I write this.

I HATE Charlie for doing this.  I hate him for not having more control.  I hate him for making me do this.

I hate that we can’t save him.

But, I reason in my head, I will NOT let The Boy grow up to fear dogs.  And he witnessed the first attack on Mabel.

So I’ve been trying to be the level-headed adult about it.  I broke the news gently, but firmly, with little emotion.

Bryan, understandably, is heart-broken.  If you’re not a dog person, you may not understand.. your dogs are part of your pack.  You can’t just abandon one of the pack.  Then again.. you’re not supposed to randomly attack your pack, either.

I was fine until the drive to work. 

A HUGE traffic issue on 565 kept me in standstill traffic for an hour.  An hour, I might add, which I had Jason Robert Brown playing in the CD player.  And I bawled.  I’m sure the cars around me thought I was losing my mind.. and maybe, perhaps, I was, a little.. but I wept.  And sobbed.  I cried for Delle being so far away, I cried for Jenni being so far away, I cried that I was throwing up my hands about a dog that I adore.  I cried and cried and cried.

And I finally got to work, all red-nosed and bleary-eyed. 

They all say I need to go home, because I’m clearly not feeling well.

And they don’t know the half of it.