I don’t know when I became someone who so fervently both dreaded and anticipated Fridays. On the one hand – YES, THANK THE POWERS THAT BE, IT’S THE WEEKEND. On the other hand – Fridays, for whatever reason, make me hate the whole of humanity.
I don’t know why. But seriously, I become an angry sonufabitch.
But the good news is that – whatever my stupid problem with Friday is – Friday is just a mere 24 hours, and Saturday morning brings a cleansing run. I’m literally counting down the hours.
Know what is a frickin’ amazing substance? VINEGAR. I know you know this. But I find uses for it all over the internet, and every time I use it in a new way, I AM COMPLETELY STUNNED ALL OVER AGAIN. Like, at this very moment, my house has this smell to it. I have no idea what the smell is or where it came from, but it’s like my three dogs and one cat just sit in the living room for eight hours while we’re at work and school, and they just sit around and fart. It smells like that.
So I read somewhere that little bowls of vinegar set out around the room will fix it. And I’LL BE DAMNED. Not even half an hour later, The Smell is gone! Seriously! All you can smell now is vinegar! FRICKIN’ AMAZING.
I’m pretty sure I’m going through my own little stupid mid-life crisis only it’s not mid-life and instead it’s just me looking around a lot and just going, “Just this, huh? Hm.” and wondering why I’m so damn needy that I can’t just be thankful, why I’ve always gotta be ambitious and shit all the time. I’m just kind of looking around and thinking, I don’t know, that we’d be traveling more or moving up the ladder (whatever that ladder is) or thinner or happier or I don’t know. This just can’t be it, you know?
And then I look at my husband, who is just as content as a full tick, and I think I must be broken. There must be something wrong with me.
Um, speaking of being broken, I gave in and had a Dorito Loco Taco (Supreme) today. Well, that’s a lie. I had TWO of them. And if I could find a critique of the featured menu item, it would be THAT I ONLY GOT TWO. Seriously, about two bites in and I had a small food shudder. And I blacked out and woke up with empty wrappers around me. It’s .. it’s transcendent, is what it is. And I’m not proud of myself for feeling this way. But I’ll own that, oh yes I will.
Sometimes, you just need to be told a fairy tale through the eyes of a child buzzed on sugar to make your weekend complete.
Consider me your giver for the day.