Let’s Talk About Lisa

In some weird, unfortunate twist of fate, we’ve pretty much given up on tv in the last month.

We did sit and watch Rango on Netflix this past weekend as an effort to have A Movie Party. (In Tony Speak: WE SHALL MAKE AND EAT FISTFULS OF POPCORN WHILE SOMETHING IS ON THE TELEVISION.) That .. was a weird movie. Trippy. But my LORD, the animation was stunning. We just kept gasping in awe of how gorgeous the animation was.

Back to the tv: we haven’t seen any of it. I currently have 6 (SIX!) episodes of Real Housewives on DVR, there’s tons of Fringe episodes, and even a lot of random other junk. We just .. well, we’re tired. We have about 45 minutes between the last boy going to bed and our preset bedtime, so we often fill it .. by talking.

The one exception: Celebrity Apprentice.

We are not loyal fans of the series; we can take it or leave it any given season. But this season, for whatever reason, the mix is just right and we’ve been enraptured. And because it’s all I have going on right now, I’d like to talk about something that’s been bugging me pretty consistently.

Let’s talk about Lisa Lampanelli.

For what it’s worth, I was fan of Lisa’s before she was on the show. She was one of the crass women, which immediately endeared her to me. I like women who have a big laugh, a big wit, and a big heart, and although she’s always denying the last one, Lisa fits this bill.

And from the start, she’s been a frontrunner on this season’s Celebrity Apprentice. And she should be! She’s quick, funny, and creative. She’s SMART. It’s clear she’s been doing this for awhile and with great success.

.. but ..

Man, there’s a lot I dislike about Lisa. And .. gah, I hate this .. it mainly boils down to the fact that she acts .. like a girl. Not, you know, like, she owns ovaries and breasts and therefore I dislike her, but .. she’s very much acting like men expect a girl to act in business. There. I said it. I said it, and I own it, and now let me further dig my own grave.

In working with a local political candidate who was running against another female, I implored her to not swing dirty. Don’t sling mud. Don’t “fight fire with fire”. Because right, wrong, or indifferent – the minute that happens, the men start saying ooh, catfight! there’s a catfight over there! look at those girls, fighting like a bunch of cats! and even the best and most powerful message is immediately discounted. I HATE THAT, I TOTALLY DO. And yet, it is the reality of our lives.

Lisa is engaging in the most transparent and .. pathetic.. of catfights with another contestant, Dayana Mendoza. A former Miss Universe. Um, here’s a photograph of Dayana, who I spend a good 34 minutes of each episode mentally tracing the lines of her amazing cheekbones and the outline of her perfect lips. Dayana, in short, is STUNNING.

Dayana is also smart. Maybe not in schooling, but in savvy, most definitely. She knows when to lay low and when to speak up. She is one of the few people who remains quiet in the boardroom and .. GASP! .. listens. I’ve watched her weasel out of being “brought back to the boardroom” no less than EIGHT times because she sees a trainwreck happening around her, and she’s smart enough to get the hell out of dodge.

Lisa does not like Dayana. No one is quite sure why. All of the other celebs, in private interviews, have all quietly questioned what’s behind that venom. And we all have coworkers we don’t like; it’s life, and you’re there for a paycheck, not for friendship. But Lisa? Is .. mean. I mean, not even funny or comedic mean – comedic torture, like roasts, are her schtick and she’s damn good at it – she’s mean and personal and below-the-belt. And .. and when Dayana dares to argue back with her? Lisa cries. Lisa cries and wonders why NO ONE stands up for her. Why is NO ONE STANDING UP FOR HER?

I .. don’t like this behavior. Because in reality, Lisa is insanely talented. She is talented and smart and STRONG, by God, and she can take her own licks. But this one facet of her behavior is derailing all of that. All I can think of when I see her now is Man, she is so cruel to Dayana. I used to think Man, she is one talented lady. And that makes me sad.

Part of it is my moccasins I’ve walked in. There has been a crazy lady to scream at me and then when I quietly respond, the tears flow and the calls for her posse have happened. So that’s part of my stance here. But the other part is that Lisa is genuinely, seriously talented. She has earned her stripes. She doesn’t need TO ACT LIKE A GIRL.

We still earn $0.70 to every $1.00 a man earns. Still, to this day, in 2012. And I want Lisa and Dayana to coexist on this show and prove HOW FRICKIN’ STUPID THAT IS. Instead? Instead, it is being justified.