“There may be some doubt as to
who are the best people to have children,
but there can be no doubt that
parents are the worst.”
- Unknown

 

I made a giant error in judgement today.  Well, two.

The first was that I went to Target.  I knew better.  Hell, I’ve blogged about it.  And had I trusted my gut, I would’ve avoided it.  I did well at first, only wandering to Bed Bath and Beyond, and PetSmart.  I even went into Shoe Carnival.  But I basically could not resist the gravitational pull of that Bulls Eye.  I can’t help it.  I am weak.  I admit it.

So, SURPRISE!, Target is a nightmare.  I know you’re shocked.  I was.

I found myself in the baby section, you know, cause I have so many children.  But then I realized I had been MEANING to buy some teething rings for Scout and Matthew, so I made my way to .. that.. section.. with mouth.. stuff.  That’s when the second mistake occurred.. when I got lost, I kept walking.

And found “breast salve”.  To, you know, soothe cracks and burns.  ON YOUR BREAST.

I was reduced to a shivering pile of wussy singledom.  My ovaries took this opportunity to shrivel up and scream.  I think any eggs that had currently been considering a trip down the filopian Slip & Slide suddenly began digging into my uterus and holding on for dear life. 

Delle and John stopped by not much later, while The Boy and Bryan were out in the front yard shooting eachother with foam guns, and Delle confirmed: “Yes, Sarah.. they crack and ooze.  You need to know that.”

And I went in and took, like, eighteen birth control pills.

Why do women DO that to their bodies?  Why?!

Oh, and Merry Christmas and all that jazz.