I should say that I rarely look forward to Valentine’s Day. 

It comes from YEARS of disappointment.  I mean, when I was younger, I definitely went into the holiday with high hopes.  You put your little paper bag at the end of your desk and wait, trembling with anticipation, for that one boy that you’ve loved from afar to make his way over and declare his love in the form of a Bugs Bunny valentine.  Guess what?  The boy that you’ve loved from afar is NEVER the one that makes his way over. (In my case, it was usually because he turned out to be gay.) Usually, it’s the boy that eats glue that comes over, and drops something that HE finds sentimental in there.. a half-eaten cookie, or a colored paper clip.

When I got older, my expectations dropped.. and boys still fell below the bar.  My first serious boyfriend EVER, on Valentine’s Day, took me out to eat at a Japanese steakhouse in Tuscaloosa (he was attending Bama) where he conveniently forgot his wallet.  Then he proceeded to confess how he thought I didn’t dress myself well, so he wanted to “dress me up” for Valentine’s Day.  Tighter jeans, and a tucked-in flannel shirt later, we went to the movies.. and him so proud of himself, he couldn’t stop beaming.  A TUCKED-IN FLANNEL SHIRT, people!  I know a lot of you are asking yourselves, right now, “Have I ever seen Sarah in a flannel shirt?  Much less, any shirt, tucked in?”

NO.  No, you have not.

I’m sure I’ve had some hohum Valentine’s Days since then.. I remember the last one in the BitterHouse being nice.  I received a diamond necklace and chocolates; which, in all honesty, far exceeded any expectations.  My first Valentine’s Day with Bryan, we went far cheesy because we were both pretty poor.  I got my hair chopped off by a crackhead (who, to her credit, then offered to trim Bryan up for free), then Bryan and I ate at Waffle King (which was dinner AND a show).. I bought him tennis shoes (new relationship, new shoes.. it’s his theory; take it up with him) and he bought me a He-Man sword. (Which now resides with Captain HapHook.)

This year, we both planned to give eachother a HUGE gift.. eachother’s company.  I know, I know; that sounds like something poor people say.  Well, folks, we are poor.  But it’s also true.  With him TDing a Lee Lyric Show (which, unless you’ve lived through one, you REALLY have no idea), and me working and coordinating VM activities, we haven’t spent a night home together in almost three weeks.  It’s been ridiculous.  I’ve also been sick, which has left me home alone and I’ve been going stir crazy.  I’ve been missing the BitterHouse something fierce, probably because my BitterTwin is expecting, but either way.. my house just feels half empty without him there..

Little rant about my house: it has no front porch.  My FAVORITE feature of the BitterHouse (other than the members who resided/frequented inside of it) was the front porch.  I could have the worst day ever, come home, and spend ten minutes on the front porch.. and it was all better.  Bryan and I spent MANY a late night on the front porch.  Delle and I would rehash our days on it.  It was how I usually began and ended my day.  I miss it TERRIBLY.

Sorry for the sidetrack.. so I wake up at o’dark thirty this morning to feed the dogs.  A HUGE gripe of mine is that, when Bryan feeds the dogs, he leaves the bowls outside.  Well, it’s cold outside.. especially before sunrise.. and you’re only in a t-shirt and panties.  So it’s an agitation.  I wander outside, cursing Mother Nature for not making me winter-proof, and there it is..

.. a perfect, ironwork-scroll bench.  Assembled with love.

I crawled back in bed, and curled up tightly next to him.  He was awake.  “Did you notice anything on the deck?” he asked, his voice still gruff from sleep.  I shook my head quickly, overexaggerating to indicate that yes, I had, and I would gladly make his morning worthwhile now.  He, instead, held me closely to him, close enough so that I could remember how his pulse is integral to mine, and whispered, “I know how much you miss the porch.. and how scared you are that it’s all gone.  I wanted a piece of that here.. I wanted you to have somewhere to sit outside.  Happy Valentine’s Day.”  I’m tearing up as I write this.. because I really would have been gloriously happy to just have had his company.  He outdid himself.

Oh, and just to make you aware.. the flannel shirt guy?  Ran into him and his “bride” a few years back.  He “met” her in the Ukraine and she didn’t speak english.  And yes, her shirt was most definitely tucked in.