So, I’m .. I’m kind of struggling lately.
Most of it is stuff I can’t discuss here, but suffice it to say that I’m frustrated and tired and a teeeeeny bit resentful and frankly, about ready to throw up my hands and step back and let whatever happen. Also, it’s been raining here almost nonstop for about a month now – big, flooding rain – and my house looks like.. well, it looks like I have three dogs who have been outdoors for about a month-long rain.
Also, I joined a team for our state-wide Alabama Scale Back program, which I usually rock at. I haven’t been on the scale since .. I honestly can’t remember when. The goal is that each team member (of four members) lose 10 pounds, and I thought, Yeah, I could stand to lose about 10 pounds and then imagine my dismay when I was FIFTEEN POUNDS HEAVIER THAN I BELIEVED MYSELF TO BE. FIFTEEN.
Um. Gave up dairy = gaining weight. Yeah, shoot me now.
It occurred to me this morning as I was struggling to pack a dairy-free lunch that I am now almost at the weight (according to the scale) that I was WHEN I BROUGHT TONY HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL. Y’all. I could cry at that thought. Because I don’t FEEL that heavy. I’m wearing smaller sizes than I was then! That doesn’t MAKE ANY SENSE.
And I’m trying REALLY MASTERFULLY HARD to not spin into a depression spiral here. I went home and cleaned, sweeping and mopping every hard surface in the house. I cooked myself a real meal, even though I was the only one eating anything besides dino-nuggets.
But in ten minutes, the floors were back to normal and I set off the smoke-alarm while making dinner.
GIVE ME A BREAK HERE, FATE.
Tonight, we are swimming for a few hours (that always does wonders for my mental state) and I’m putting away the piles of laundry I’ve let accumulate in my room. I am the worst about taking care of myself when it comes to laundry, and I find that my room is often a direct reflection of my mental state. Messy room = messy mind. I’m OCD. It’s black and white with me.
Also, I am smudging the house again. Clearly the last time has worn off.
I’ve found that when I’m like this, the best thing I can do is to be kind to others. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but I’m serious. If I put good vibes out? I tend to feel better about what I’m getting in return.
So can you do that too, for me, today? Can you pay someone a compliment that you would normally just think privately to yourself? Can you pay for the coffee of the person behind you in line at Starbucks? Can you delurk on your favorite blog to leave a comment? (Yes, us bloggers are simple folk.) Can you post an especially sweet/beautiful/funny picture to Instagram for everyone to see?
It’s the thick of election primary season, so I think the level of hate and vitriol in the karmic atmosphere has tipped the balance into VERY BAD STUFF. Let’s tip it back, you want to?